Thursday, March 1, 2012

CONFRONTATION: Put your Big Girl Panties On & Deal With It!

Ohhhh, confrontation. I seriously loathe confrontation. I even cringe at hearing the word. 

I HATE confrontation!!!
Not only do I hate when I’m involved in it in any way, I hate being around it or even indirectly involved in it. It makes my insides knot up and feel funny.

If someone confronts me, I am usually so taken aback that I can barely think of a response. That’s strange because I typically think quick on my feet, but not when it comes to confrontation. After I’ve had time to let it process, I think of all the things I “coulda, woulda, shoulda” said, but of course it’s too late.

I have to admit, when someone says or does something I don’t like, I very rarely confront that person. I am guilty of letting it stew, holding a grudge, and venting/complaining to my closest friends about it, etc. Poor Big Jon has to hear about all the times I’m offended and all the things I wish I would have said. (By the way, he is awesome at dealing with confrontation. I am trying to take notes!)  These are not very Christlike ways to deal with an issue, and they are also extremely immature. I am definitely not proud of this quality about myself. Not dealing with confrontation appropriately results in bitterness, anger, gossip, guilt, unforgiveness, and hurt feelings.

On the rare occasion I have addressed people (makes me want to throw up thinking about it!) who have offended me, I have almost always felt super relieved and been happy with the outcome. So why don’t I do that all the time? Well, to be perfectly honest, it’s because I’m a wuss.

I can think of very few people who I think handle confrontation well. Many people are like me and avoid it like the plague, which is not okay.  However, there is another group of overly confrontational people who don’t seem to have any problem letting people know when they have an issue. Although I do admire their boldness, these type of people seem to enjoy confrontation. Many times they come across as harsh, tactless, and even rude. That is just as unacceptable as my “cowardness” (made up my own word, so what!) in my opinion.  

Of course with the growing popularity of social media, there is also a false courage that allows people to hide behind a computer screen or text to say something they would never say to someone's face.  People bash others' for all kinds of things, and it is just absolutely ridiculous.  In fact, I have had a couple of friends deal with this issue and were really hurt by cruel things they found others saying about them online. NOT COOL. This actually happened to me earlier this week as well. A girl tweeted something about me. It was a total stranger, so I couldn't confront her face to face, but I did e-mail her to deal with the issue immediately.

(Sometimes I think writing it out is the best way to handle it. It allows one time to calmly and carefully choose words, but then there is the issue they could possibly misinterpret or take it out of context. Still a good option though.)

So, God’s been convicting my heart and dealing with me on how I handle confrontation.  I know that what I have been doing is not pleasing to Him and is not a Christlike example to others.

  The good news is the Bible gives us instructions for how to deal with confrontation. (OF COURSE it does!) Yes, I know this is not some huge revelation, but it something I am keeping in the back of mind and it is really helping me to deal with things appropriately. I am trying to use these Scriptures as my guide, and I have already seen a difference. I am less bitter, less angry, am less likely to gossip, and have more peace.
Pinned Image
So whether you fall on either end of the confrontation spectrum, most of us can admit we have some work to do.

Here’s what the Bible says, ladies. We need to read, meditate on, and pray for the boldness to apply this in our lives.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector. – Matthew 18:15-17

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. – Galatians 6:1

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. – Colossians 3:13


Emily said...

We are confrontation twins ;) every single thing you said also applies to me! Majority of the time I just let stuff go. I get walked on, hurt, and continue to let it happen. When I do confront people I always try to do it in writing. I suck face to face but can rock out in an email ;)

Jamie said...

I'm the SAME way! I had confronting anybody about anything...I get so nervous!

C Mae said...

Did the person email you back about why she tweeted what she did?

I can honestly say I've been "attacked" on twitter for things I've said and people totally jumping to conclusions that DONT even know me. They judge me on a tweet or one non "fluff" blog post and instantly I'm a bitch. Thank you social media.

I'd have to say I'm the opposite. I confront people instantly. It has its positive and negatives. People instantly say she so DEFENSIVE well hello am I just suppose to stand there and take it??

Never ending battle...

californiadreamin said...

Great post. I too am struggling with this sorta thing, except when I am confronted, I say those "coulda woulda shoulda" things, and then afterwards I think "Sooo not Christlike". I need to take a page outta the book of James, and be slow to speak.

Lauren said...

I'm so with you on this! I'm horrible at confronting people no matter what it is... I don't like to rock the boat. However I agree that if you hold it in it just makes it that much worse! I need to get better at this too!