Thursday, January 2, 2014

Attention Young Ladies: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me…

Oh boy. Another one of “those posts” that I know won’t be popular. I’ve said it a million times….I’m not trying to win any popularity contests with this blog. I pretty much (unintentionally) offend people on the reg, but you can’t hate me for sharing my opinion right? (Actually, some people do. Obviously I’m not crying in my Cheerios over that.) I cannot get this off my heart though, and I know I need to share it because there is someone who needs to hear it, so here we go. (And P.S. I apologize it is so long & scattered. I had a tough time organizing my thoughts on this one.)

I know women with thriving, successful, and satisfying careers. They are passionate about their work and make a difference in this world. I commend them and I’m truly happy for them. I’m thankful for the great women doctors, teachers, scientists, chefs, accountants, secretaries, missionaries, veterinarians, photographers, etc. of this world. But I think somewhere along the lines, we have completely discounted the JOY and FULFILLMENT in being a wife and mom. We have made ladies feel as if it’s ‘not enough’ to be a wife and mother- and if that is your dream, to at least WAIT until you’ve experienced all of the other great things life has to offer first.

Our generation has been raised in an ultra feminist mindset where we (WOMEN) are told we can do anything, accomplish anything, and be anything we want. I know I was taught to dream BIG!! College wasn’t really an option- it was a must-do. I was taught to go to college, get a degree so I could be independent and support myself & never “need” a man. And then to get a job so I could help earn income for my family because you “just can’t make it off one income anymore.” I was taught that you have to work because it’s satisfying and fulfilling, and if you don’t work, you’re lazy. Women worked HARD to earn us equality in the workplace, and I should show my appreciation by having a thriving career. And of course, I was taught that I can do any job a man can do.  I was taught to enjoy life- don’t get married too young and don’t start having babies right away. (Whew….I know there probably aren’t many hard core feminists that read my blog anyway, but someone who stumble across it probably aren’t liking this very much.)

And this wasn’t a message coming solely from my parents- it was from EVERYONE & EVERYWHERE. (Absolutely NO disrespect to my parents. They are phenomenal people, incredible role models, and did an awesome job raising me. I love them to the moon and back and hope I can be half the person they both are.) And just being totally honest, I feel we are doing a major disservice to young ladies by making them feel as if it is the only acceptable option for them. I almost feel like I have been “lied to” by society. Now hear me out before you start jumping my case for trying to tell young ladies they aren’t as good as a man and need to be a submissive doormat and yada yada yada.

Women are a TREASURE. God designed us intentionally for a purpose, and if you study the women of the Bible, you get a glimpse of how God created us. I know times have changed, but who says that’s a good thing? All I see is more sin, crime, hurt, & suffering than ever.

See, my WHOLE life I have always wanted to be a wife and mother. I loved playing “house” growing up. I took exceptional care of my baby dolls. I remember in high school and college that all I really wanted was to be a wife and mom. I even said that in a pageant interview & an interview competition for FBLA- both times feeling uncomfortable & trying to recant  because I felt that wasn’t “acceptable.” I had to finish school. Get a degree. Get established. Like I said, growing up, there wasn’t really anything else I wanted to do besides have a family. But because I HAD to choose something else- a job- I chose teacher.  Great hours for having kids, right? (Turns out I still get to use that calling to teach- in women’s ministry- I just don’t get paid. And I am TOTALLY fine with that because it’s one of my passions.) So, because every influence in my life told me that was the right thing to do (even the church), I put off the two things I wanted more than anything- the two things I’ve really always wanted to do- because that’s what I felt like I was supposed to do. And THAT is a lie I am afraid many young women have believed.

Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVED college!! I am not saying don’t go to school. I had a blast!! Playing college athletics while going to school (and graduating with honors) & working summers to pay for anything extra taught me a lot of discipline. I don’ say that boastfully- I’m just thankful I had that experience because it definitely shaped my work ethic. I also met some of my lifelong best friends, have many great memories, and of course met the love of my life while I was in college. And after that, I SO enjoyed teaching for the 5 years that I taught. I had some fantastic students and again met some of my very best friends. While working I was able to pay off a car I bought for myself after college and save up some money. I also put myself through a Master’s and Specialist’s program out of pocket (without taking out any student loans) and helped pay for part of my wedding. The insurance was great and me working definitely helped us get in a great place financially before having babies. Right now the only debt we have is our house, and we are working fervently to pay that off within the next 5 years (and hopefully sooner) so we can be 100% debt free. So I guess according to society, I did pretty good, right?

But…if I’m totally honest, I wasn’t really asking God what He wanted from me at that point. I was doing my own thing and what I felt like was right. (According to who? I don’t know!)Like I said, I had a great experience teaching…but those advanced degrees? Totally unnecessary and a complete waste of $24,000. Sure, I learned. And I have a diploma I can hang in my office. And I got a raise for the last 2 years I worked. But they didn’t make me a better teacher. I was a great teacher because I LOVE those kids, and again, it was my passion. And now that I have stopped teaching to stay home, those degrees are kinda pointless. It was pretty much a waste of money. I know SO many young ladies who have NO clue what they “really” want to do and are just racking up student loan debt left and right trying to figure it out. (Maybe they are like me and really just want to be a wife and mommy? But because they haven’t met who they are going to marry yet, they are just wandering trying to find “their place.”)

Also, that whole “waiting” to get married and start a family thing. Jonathan and I dated (off and on) for FOUR years before getting married. Do you know how hard it is to be together that long and remain sexually pure? It takes one HECK of a man to do that!! (I can’t rave about my hubby enough. He is seriously one of the strongest men I know, and I have the uttermost respect for him. Ladies, don’t settle for anything less than a REAL man.) And after that we waited two years to have a baby. (Mostly for financial reasons, although we really could have started sooner and been totally fine.) Now that I am doing what I feel like I was called to do all along, I wish I had a house FULL of kiddos already!! I am so sad I wasn’t more fervently praying and seeking God’s will earlier on in life. I am truly SO, SO blessed….and I am so thankful. But I do think there were times I did what I thought was right rather than truly seeking God.

I recently came across this: 23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23

It made me a little sick to my stomach and made me feel sorry for her. I feel sad for all of the young ladies who think that is golden advice. And after reading a few of the comments hatin’ on her, I began to feel even more sorry for her. Sadly, I know she is just a product of EXACTLY what this society is teaching.

So here’s the deal. I know not everyone is ready to get married and have a family at a young age. Some aren’t mature enough. Some just aren’t ready. I know some women LOVE their careers and are passionate about what they do. And that is all good and fine. But for those of you who DO want to get married and start a family….HERE IS WHAT I WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME SOONER.

Being a wife and mother is AWESOME!!!! The Lord placed that desire in your heart for a reason….so do not ignore it or put it off ‘just because’ that’s what you were taught and what you think you should do. I have found that being a wife and momare LIFE’S BIGGEST BLESSINGS, and my only regret is that I didn’t start earlier. Don’t let society make you feel guilty or like that is not an acceptable dream. Ladies, that is an incredibly high and HOLY calling. Be prayerful in seeking God’s will and HIS perfect timing. Do not feel as if you are not adding value to society by being a wife and mother, because those are two of the most profound things you can do to contribute to society. Our world needs more wonderful, God -loving couples and children. People who LOVE the Lord with their whole heart and are seeking Him, and who are willing to love and serve others with their families.

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” –Proverbs 31:10

So my word to young ladies….I just want to encourage you. If your heart’s desire is to be a wife and mom, then seek the Lord for HIS timing. I’m not telling you to not go to college, or to not get a job, or that you should get married and pregnant in high school. (And if God hasn’t put that person in your path yet, just keep being faithful and obedient- and TRUST in God’s perfect timing. I have written several blog posts on that, but the Blogger search feature is jacked up and it won’t let me search for them to link here.) I am simply telling you that all of the “traveling, life experiences, money, etc.” are not nearly as precious to me as what I’m doing RIGHT NOW. I feel like now, more than ever (even as a SS teacher and youth worker that I was before), I am doing HIS work.

I pray the Lord blesses us with a whole house full of kiddos to love and raise up. I pray that I am a blessing to everyone He puts in my path. And I pray that I am the woman God has called me to be for my husband and children- that they will “rise up and call me blessed.”

“I am doing a great work so that I cannot come down. Why should the work cease?” –Nehemiah 6:3

60 comments:

Mindy Gray said...

Yes, yes, a million times yes. I spent so much time in college searching for my calling, attending global missions conferences, reading devotionals, and feeling like it must be a big, grand, work for God's kingdom. Growing up as a "smart girl" only made it seem more like I should be using my gifts in some significant way, like teaching in the inner city, or transforming the politics of education. And I tried to do those things for four years, and was miserable. When We finally decided to start our family, we decided that I should stay home, and it was like all of my dreams were finally coming true. Nothing has ever been as fulfilling, especially on the good days when I can provide a hot dinner for my husband after keeping up with housework and the baby. Maybe if more women were enabled to fulfill that calling in their own lives, we wouldn't NEED those big, transformative works because those kids would be getting served by the best person to do the job.

Tori said...

I could not agree more. Love it!

Alice said...

Great blog..God Bless!!

Katid said...

I can't thank you enough for writing this! I'm 18 years old and recently graduated second in my senior class. I've gotten so much criticism for going to school at the local community college instead of a big university, but by doing this I've been able to live at home, remain debt free, have a part time job, and continue helping with children's club at my church. I'm going to school to become a nurse, and though I am passionate about it, it was only recently that I decided to pursue this. My dream has always been to have a family. My friends have always looked at me crazy when I say "you don't need loads of money to be happy, you need love!"
I'm lucky enough to have met the love of my in middle school and began dating him at 16. We are both learning what it means to be married according to God and try to make time to study this together often as we plan to get married in the next few years (which is actually how I came across your blog reading the post about 'Being a Godly Wife').

I know I got a little carried away, but thanks again for validating my decisions!

Katie said...

I can't thank you enough for writing this! I'm 18 years old and
recently graduated second in my senior class. I've gotten so much
criticism for going to school at the local community college instead
of a big university, but by doing this I've been able to live at
home, remain debt free, have a part time job, and continue helping with
children's club at my church. I'm going to school to become a nurse,
and though I am passionate about it, it was only recently that I
decided to pursue this. My dream has always been to have a family.
My friends have always looked at me crazy when I say "you don't need
loads of money to be happy, you need love!"

I'm lucky enough to have met the love of my in middle school and
began dating him at 16. We are both learning what it means to be
married according to God and try to make time to study this together
often as we plan to get married in the next few years (which is actually
how I came across your blog reading the post about 'Being a Godly Wife').


I know I got a little carried away, but thanks again for validating my decisions!

Tiffany said...

Such a beautiful post! I love proverbs 31:10. I too have always told any and everyone who asks that my dream job is to be a stay at home wife/mom! Ive wanted it forever and I know when the time is right the Lord will allow me to do it. What's even more tough is the fact that i have my (very expensive) degree and I'm not even putting it to use. You are right... such a waste! As much of a disappointment that is, I too was a college athlete and found my hubby in college. I know my life wouldn't be anything like it is now without those experiences.

craftingafairytale.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This is completely my life in a nutshell, thank you so much for writing this! I am young and got married right out of high school and we've been married for close to 4 years now. I have been in college for that whole time telling myself that I 'have' to get a degree just to feel accepted and not judged by anyone. In all reality, all I have EVER wanted in life is to be a mother. It has been on my mind for years and years, constantly. Thank you again for posting this..this is awesome and a great reminder!

Miranda said...

I couldn't agree more. However, as I get older and still haven't found Mr. Right it is easy to get discouraged. I know that God has promised me the desires of my heart and so I seek to patiently wait on His timing.
Thank you for your words of encouragement!

Lori Alexander said...

Fabulous post, Danielle! We have all been lied to by society, trying to take away womanhood and turn us all into men seeking education and careers over being a wife and mommy. I so wish we had never used birth control! We got married young but I wish I had many more children and I had 4! You will love this article by an older woman who had 9 children and discusses why marrying young is a good thing. Her daughter just got married at 18 years old.
http://www.themotherscompanion.org/about/update2013.php

Never feel ashamed as you teach God's truth. Yes, you may not be very popular but we need to speak truth because it is the very best way. I pray you are blessed with many more children because we need much more salt and light in this society. Love, Lori

Courtney said...

I have always said that I can't wait to get to the point in my life where I'm a wife and mother. I'm 20, so I'm not rushing things, but I am extremely excited to have children when the time is right. I too am going into education, but this post is basically what I've been looking for. A different point of view for women. I never understood why it was a considered a bad thing to be a stay-at-home mom. I was raised by one. I believe it's the best job out there. Thank you so much for this post.

learningismessy said...

Danielle..... I am so inspired reading your blog. I made (what I think was a mistake) telling my family and friends that my fiance and I hope to start a family soon after our wedding day. I was criticized (you're 26! you haven't traveled! you haven't worked long enough! you won't see your friends anymore!) and it has been weighing on me since. Thanks for posting this. <3

stephanie said...

How I wish I would have read your post sooner! I am so fulfilled by being a godly wife right now but it was a tough road to get to though because I did think I needed a degree and fancy job.
Thank you for sticking to God's truth and not being afraid to share. Thanks :)

Anonymous said...

I love love love your blog! You have really helped me grow in my walk of faith. As a teenager, it can be difficult to put God first when very few of my peers do. You're life is a testimony to how rewarding God's path is, and makes living a Christian life look fun (most people think I am a stick in the mudd because I don't drink nor have I dated yet because I am waiting on God's perfect timing). You're blog validates that His timing is perfect and He will fulfill his promises. Thank you for the inspiration.

Allison said...

Love this post. You summed up how I've always felt. I got married at 23, had my first baby a day before my 25th birthday, and I was the ONLY one out of my friends at the time in that life stage. Did I regret it? NO WAY. I always wanted to be a young wife and mom, and I have NEVER looked back. Never regretted a day in the past 6.5 years that I have spent at home with my babies. You are right... being a wife and mom is a calling, and I truly feel it is what God wants for my life. Thank you for this post!

Rachel G. said...

I have to admit, first I didn't think I was going to like/agree with this article, but you totally changed my mind.

I too have always wanted to be a wife, and a mother, but I have also always wanted to be a career woman. Unfortunately it's taken longer for me to figure out my "career" but I am figuring out the wife part (slowly- we just got married 3 months ago)! I know I still want to be a mother someday, and while I don't really think that's now, I often find myself saying "trust in God's timing"...He will know when it's right, and He will provide if it's right.

Thank you for this!

Mary Carter said...

I was told either go to school or get a job. I did both. Because I wanted to. Not because I felt as if I HAD to. I'm 22 and a psyche major and the LAST thing on my mind is marriage and children. Do I want that? YES!!! Soon? NO. There is SO much in this world that I want to do that I couldn't if I had kids/husband. Are there fun things to do with a family. Absolutely. But, I do believe that you should take the time to have "me" time. Discover yourself. Find your calling. Learn to be happy with yourself and circumstances as a single woman because a man won't change that. I agree with parts of your post...especially the part about how society has changed things. But just also keep in mind that society also can make young women feel like they HAVE to get married and have children right after college. I don't know. Guess what I'm saying is do your thing, seek the Lord, and everything will fall into place.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post, don't apologize for spreading the word of God. That is the calling for women, I feel anyway. My desire is to stay at home with my children, however with my husband being laid off and finances in horrible shape that is not possible. Hopefully by the grace of God it will happen one day. I have never wanted to go to college or further my education, I always knew I wanted to marry and have children. I was way eager and married the wrong man but walked away with two of the biggest blessing I could ever ask for. I have now married the man of my dreams and am living the life. (minus staying home with my munchkins ;) Keep writing and don't pay any attention to your critics, they are only jealous.
Samantha

Laurel said...

Feminism doesn't just mean pushing women towards careers and away from the home/family. Feminism means empowering women to get what they want out of life. It that means being a stay at home mom, then that's what they should pursue! I don't think feminism is to blame here, and from what you are writing, I think you are a feminist as well.

Lauren said...

Danielle, thank you so much for writing this!!! This is exactly how I've been feeling for months and needed to hear this!! God is definitely using you through this blog! I have been married a year and definitely have strong feelings of wanting to be a stay at home wife/mom! I have a career oriented job which pays well and I feel like I SHOULD stay there because we don't have kids yet (God willing, we hope this will change soon)! But I'm miserable at my job and constantly feel frustrated when I can't be the wife I want to be for my husband. The Lord has also amazingly blessed my husband with a promotion this year, so financially we would be fine with me staying home. I'm seeking His will and hope I have the courage to obey Him! Thank you for the Godly guidance along this journey!

Emily Duff said...

I agree with Laurel. The point of feminism is to give women the CHOICE to be who they (and God) want them to be. God's will for some people may be for them to get married and have children, but for others of us maybe it's an education so we can do His work in other ways. I think the main point is that we should be able to be who God leads us to be and follow His plan.

Anonymous said...

Danielle, This is SO TRUE! And you know what? We need to share our joy about being a stay-at-home wives and moms. I feel the exact same way as you. I've ALWAYS had this desire on my heart (since the days of baby dolls!) Then, when I got to high school and honors classes, all of a sudden, my desire is silly. Now that I'm living the life, it's even better than I imagined (even though it's hard and REAL sometimes, it's awesome and I love it.) Thank you for this post, girl!!!

Anonymous said...

Great post. I am a stay at home mom/ wife and I love it and it was my calling to do so. It is funny how other people will have such strong opinions about ones life choices. I have been told by a few people that my bachelors degree is " wasted" since I am now a stay at home mother. I just laugh because those people do not get it. I want to be with my child, I am not giving that up just because I also chose to get a degree. We all try to make the best decisions for our family. My husband and I decided me not working was best for us. I also understand that some women enjoy working outside the home and that is ok too. I agree though, being at home is AWESOME and I wish all the mothers who wanted to stay were able to do so. Their are many women who want to and their husbands say no, or maybe they can't financially do it.

Amber said...

I've been reading your blog for over a year now and just love the things you share. Way to go for always speaking truth even when it's not popular or is countercultural! I share your passion for being a stay at home wife/mother. I recently resigned from my nursing job to stay at home and it is a huge blessing. I've received many negative comments about this decision and your post about this topic came at a time when I needed some encouragement. Thank you.

Amber

Kristen Kliethermes said...

So amazing! Love this post! I'm 21 and a senior in college. I'm going for social work because (I guess) that's what I want to do. I really want to be a SAHM, have been since I was little. When I was young, my mom has all these pictures of me holding babies and staying 'home' with my 'babies' while my brother went out and 'worked'. Unfortunately, my family does not have the same views and think I'm silly for wanting that. You are such an inspiration!

Bobbie said...

While I agree with most of your points, I feel that my education and job makes me a BETTER wife. I got married at 25 and for ME that was for the best. I was able to go to college, which is something I wanted to do. I was able to get my degree and have experiences to help me to be more confident in who I am; to learn more about my faith and make me a better person. Had I gotten married any younger I would not have had the confidence to be the wife that my husband needs me to be. As I said, that was best for ME. I do not feel there is a set age to get married, I feel God will reveal that for each person. As for kids, I also feel that is a unique circumstance for each relationship. My husband and I planned on starting our family a few months after we got married, but God has had other plans...I love being a wife, and pray that someday I will be blessed to be a mother, but I love my job as a 4th grade teacher as well. I feel like I am doing what God has called me to do by teaching. I teach at the parish school of my Catholic church and through my job I have been able to become closer to God. Dealing with infertility, has made me even more grateful for my career. It has been a great way to cope.

So... While I love your blog, I feel that God has many calling for us women. Being a wife and mother are our most important callings, but I believe there are callings for some of us outside the home as well. :-) God Bless!

Caitlin Bossert said...

Thank you so much for posting this!! I'm 18 and going to college at a big name school and I really needed this!! Just 15 minutes ago my boyfriend and I were talking about my going to college and maybe taking next year off to pay off some of my loans and move in with him. My parents are huge on me going to college and I've loved it so far but I was definitely forced to go because I made the grades in high school and I want to be a veterinarian. But I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now and I feel like I want to settle down and get married and start a family. I don't know how to talk to my parents about that. I've also thought about transferring to the college in my hometown and getting a job and still earning a degree but also living with my boyfriend. I'm really torn because I want to go to college and please my parents but also please my boyfriend and really start a life together. I feel like I ran into this article for a reason. I know this is kinda scattered but its early and I had a lot of stuff to say. Any advice? (:

Kristen Buckley said...

Great post Danielle! I really wish I had someone like you around when I was younger as a mentor! I was told I was going to college too when all I wanted to do was get married and have babies. I would never say that out loud though because everyone was so against it. I even heard someone say to another girl, that wanted to stay home, that she was setting womens lib back 50 years! Feminism is all about women working - they say it's about choices, just as long as it's the "right" choice. I think a couple of people commenting on here missed the point about your article which is it's ok to want to stay home. Everyone already knows it's ok to work, now we need to hear that it's also ok to raise your kids and be a wife. Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

I absolutely love your blog! I find your blog to be an inspiration as I am a new wife and hoping to have children soon.

D said...

I AGREE. All I have wanted since I was about 12 years old was to be a wife and mother. Sadly, I cannot seem to find that special guy so my dream of being a wife and mother has still not happened -- and I'm 34 so it is quite discouraging. I pray nightly for that special guy so hopefully it will happen soon. Thanks for posting! Dawn (purduegal02@gmail.com)

Christina McGuire said...

Holy cow! What an amazing post! Thank you. I couldn't agree more. I was lucky enough to marry my elementary school sweetheart at 23 and a stay at home by 25. I'm 27 now and could not be happier. My husband works hard and provides for the lifestyle that we feel right. We are very blessed.

Elizabeth Oberdacker said...

I love your post about how great a calling being a mom is for women. My only question is if you had had a baby just after high school and you did not have all the wonderful experiences and blessings would you feel now so strongly about being a wife and mother as the best thing you could have ever done. Or would there me a part of you who would wonder should you have waited? Again, I love this post and I think woman should be encouraged to follow there heart and the desires God gives them. I also think God's timing played out for you and he knew you needed to have those experiences and wait to be a mother so you could truly embrace and except the wonderful gift of being a mother and wife.

I am recently married and I have always wanted to be a wife and mother. I am 30 now and there have been times I've wished things happened sooner for me but God does have the best timing. I am waiting for my blessing of a child. As I wait I am seeing and reading article like yours here which, remind me that I am learning through all my choices and experiences to be the best mother I can and the mother God intends for me to be.

So to the ladies waiting patiently for Gods perfect timing please continue to take advantage of all the learning experiences and opportunities God is also placing in your life!

Anonymous said...

I was raised by a stay a home mother. In fact, all the mothers I know stayed at home. I was raised in the church believing that being a stay at home wife and mother was the only true "Christian" calling a woman could have, I always excelled at school and looked forward to college and a career. My parents were not discouraging in any way, and for that I am grateful. I met my wonderful husband when we were 18 and we married when I was 20. We waited 8 years to have kids. He supported me through my education and establishing my career. I don't understand why you felt you had to wait 4 years to get married! I now have a two year old and am pregnant with my second. I love working, and the income I bring in allowed my husband to leave his job and start his own business without fear. He tells me constantly how grateful he is that he wasn't stuck in his first career choice because I can support him with my income. I have cut back on my hours since my daughter was born (I work 4 days a week), but I will always work - I love it! I have respect for women who stay home with their kids - it is HARD work! And it's not for everyone. And that is OK. My daughters will know they can do anything they want! And they are not any less of a Christian if they choose to work outside the home which is the message I feel you and many other woman spread.

Anonymous said...

I walked into my living room today to see what my boyfriend was doing, and he was watching Family Guy. I don't like watching it because of the violence and language, but I happened to walk in there when the house wife was talking about feminism and how she chooses to be a wife and mother. Then, I remembered reading this. I know, weird. But, I thought it was neat because you don't hear that very often. And especially hearing it from a show like that (nothing against it for the viewers who like it). Just thought it was cool!

Britney Currin said...

Thank you for posting this. I am currently stuck in a rut because I have no idea what I was called to do. I pray and pray and I only get wife and mommy. That is the only thing I am passionate about. That is the only thing I REALLY want to do. Society has told me that I must have a career, and I don't think that is for me.

Dallas M said...

Thank you for this! I have felt like this for years now. I went to college and I feel like I need to be doing something as far as work goes but I never found what I really wanted to do. I have always just wanted to be a wife and mother! That one guy hasn't come along yet but I am waiting on His perfect timing! People always make you feel like you have to have a career but for me that is not my desire. I will be waiting for the right one. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this!

Sight Restored said...

I couldn't agree more!

Anonymous said...

LOVE this post! You are so very right that society expects women to be completely independent from men and work to be successful on their own before even thinking of marriage. If it is God's will for a woman to be a stay at home wife or mom at a young age, she should have the freedom to do so without society judging her!

Emily Hiker Girl said...

Very well said. I definitely agree that you need to be following God's plan for you and that it is not the same for everyone. My path was to get my degree in business-accounting and work for several years before I met my husband. I needed to wait for him to get saved, grown in maturity, and go through three deployments before I met him. We were married when we were 30 and are now expecting our first child. Because I did not meet him right away I was able to do some things that I might not have been able to do if I was married. Looking back are there things I wish I would have done different? You bet! But one of the biggest things is being content in whatever stage God has you in and not to rush his plans (so glad I didn't marry any of the other guys!). I am also thankful to be so marketable as I have to work part time till the end of 2015 while my husband finish's seminary. (Again if I had not purchased a house while single this might not be the case and the market has not fully recovered here so selling is not an option.)

The one thing I have struggled with recently as that the christian circles seem to expect that most mom's will stay home and unfortunately I have snapped at individuals who assume this is our plan. I am pretty sensitive about working because I (and my husband) would prefer that I stay home. Again the choices you make when you are single affect you when you are married so make sure you actually spend the time praying about them!

Thanks for a heartfelt post!

Erin said...

Thank you for this! This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I am 20 years old and in collage. My heart aches over the desire to be a wife and mother someday. I pray for this just about everyday and know that it will happen in God's perfect timing. I'm not going to go and drop out of collage or anything drastic, but I know that what I'm studying to be will always be my second most important "dream." thank you for sharing our thoughts and experiences! You have a beautiful family and are an inspiration to me!

Carike said...

I absolutely love your blog! This post sums up what I've been thinking for so long. I feel that being a mom is a VERY Important task as we are busy shaping the future generations. I am so blessed by having my kids young (and I wasn't even THAT young - 26!) I am by far the youngest mom in my daughter's class again this year but I absolute LOVE it! Love from SA! x

Mallory Knight said...

Thank you your honesty with your blog. I am a working mother of the most precious little boy in the world. I tried staying at hone after he was born, but felt lost and useless. I kept the house, did the laundry, cooked the meals, had play dates with other stay-at-home moms...we stayed busy. I still felt like I was missing something. My sister, on the other hand, has been at home with her, now 2 1/2 year old twin girls, since they were born. She feels this is absolutely her calling. She is 100% dedicated to doing whatever she has to do for her to stay home with her girls. Though I don't have the same desire to stay home doesn't make me less of a mom. My sister respects my job and I respect her job. (Yes I firmly believe staying at home with your children is a job.) We have different callings in life-and that's OK.

Chels said...

Love you and your heart! Thank you for sharing the TRUTH even when it's not always popular! Love you!!

Chels said...

Love you and your heart! Thank you for sharing- I completely agree! My most fulfilling duty is being a wife & mother! :)
I love you!!

Brittany said...

I can actually answer Elizabeth Oberdacker. I got engaged when we were both 18, married when we were both 19 and we had our daughter before both of us were 22. A year and a half later we had a little boy. I absolutely LOVE the path I feel God called me to. I can't imagine being or doing anything but a stay at home mom and wife. I went to college for one year and hated it. I worked before our daughter was born and could not stand it. And while being at home is no walk in the park, I feel this is what I was called to do. Thank you so much, Danielle for writing this because I have so many people who look down on me or inwardly roll their eyes when I tell them I love being a young married mom. And then they look at me like I'm crazy when I say I want at least 2 more kids! So I just really appreciate your well written blog and feel encouraged that I AM doing important work. I love your blogs so much. And I look forward to your next "controversial" one ;) And I hope God blesses you with another child soon. Having two seriously is easier than one!

specialkkluthe said...

I didn't always want to be a mom but now that I am, it is such a blessing. I think you are spot on in diagnosing the pressure that is put on women from society to be career-driven and not 'settle' for being 'just' a wife and mom. But I also think that some women don't feel called to be full-time stay-at-home moms, which is fine too. Above all, I think that God has a specific plan and purpose for each individual and that we should pursue those, and not listen to society. I'm glad that you've found motherhood to be everything you thought it would be.

Anonymous said...

1 Timothy 5:14 KJV

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

Cheryl said...

Interesting post....I am a 55 year old mother....my calling was always to be a wife and mother....I married my high school sweetheart and we had babies young....it was tough but wonderful at the same time....my husband does have a college degree, always had a good job.....but at one point, my husband had a serious accident and it was touch and go on whether he would make it.....here I was a mama with lots of little ones and if something happened to my husband, I had no obvious skills to go out and get a job that would support us......it was a very scary time....after much prayer and hard work on his part, my husband did recover fully...such a blessing....but that incident did make me stress to my girls the thought that they needed to get a college degree for the "you never know what life holds for you" years ahead.....if they wanted to be a wife and mother, clearly, I couldn't think of a more wonderful thing BUT, if something bad in that wonderful life happened, they would be prepared to take care of their family, I tried to instill in them that THAT was just another way of being a good mother......we have five children, all grown now, three girls, all three have college degrees, two are full time wives and moms, they love it and are extremely happy but if something bad should happen, they have those degrees where they would be able to go out and get a job that would pay them well enough to take care of their families....the other daughter loves her career, she has children but is so happy with her life, I think it is wonderful, it is what works for her and her family, she has made sure her children are well taken care of.......this is a very personal decision....those working should NOT make those who are staying home feel bad about their choice, just as those who stay home should NOT make those who go to work feel bad......at some point, women need to learn to be supportive of each other....I'm 55 and just don't know if I'll see that in my lifetime. Good conversation here, thanks so much!!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for writing this post. My husband and I currently don’t have any children, but I’ve been feeling this overpowering calling to be a stay at home wife. I’m so terrified people will call me lazy, and financially of course it’s scary. What are your thoughts on stay at home wives? I keep thinking I’ll have more time to bless my husband with healthy meals, have the time to properly clean the house and not be in a bad mood after working all day and having to do it, and expect his help. I’m just rambling now, but this post was so what I needed to hear, I just worry that since we don’t have kids yet, maybe I should wait.

Anonymous said...

Marriage and being a mother is hard work. It is not all "fairy tale" and takes dedication and fervent prayer. Do not push young women to rush into marriage and motherhood. It will all happen in God's timing. Tell them instead to trust God and that He will lead them in the right path in the right time. Honor God by being patient with Him and build yourself into a mature women who will be fully ready when God says it is time.

JanieLouise said...

Thank you SO much for sharing your heart on this topic! I've been talking with my roommate so much about this lately... about how it is programmed into our heads that it is unacceptable for a young woman to desire to be in the home and doing the Lord's work. The pressure I have felt to climb the workplace ladder and put all of my efforts there is incredible. I went to a small community college, drove old beater cars while saving for a newer new-to-me car, and took five years to graduate from college instead of four so that I could remain debt free. I graduated completely debt-free with a degree in education. In my first year of teaching alone, so many people (including my principal) began urging me to pursue higher degrees and telling me that I should really pursue school administration and that I should try to work up to being a principal. I only got confused looks when I said that I didn't want that, that I only wanted to teach until I got married. That ultimately I wanted to be a wife and mother.
I am still teaching (and love it!) but the desire meet and marry my husband, to be at home making a home for him, helping him, raising our children, and doing the special work that God has given to wives and mothers has only gotten stronger. It has become an ache in my heart to be doing that work. I spend my Saturdays cooking and baking and cleaning and shopping and I love every second of it! During my breaks from school I fill my time with simple domestic things that bring joy into my heart in a way that teaching cannot. I wish there was a way to communicate clearly with every young girl out there that God’s purpose for them is not what the world calls them to do. Yes, sometimes God does call young women to singlehood and they need to be prepared to meet that reality. But more often God calls young women to be wives and mothers and THAT is not something to be ashamed of. It is a privilege and an honor.

Katie P. said...

In response to the positive and negative comments on this blog, an interesting read I found by a friend:

http://amandashoesmaker.wordpress.com/2014/01/13/25-things-to-do-before-you-get-married-or-get-married-before-you-turn-25/

Jenny said...

Danielle,

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. In many ways I completely agree with you, I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I think about these things quite often, particularly because I am currently unemployed. I'll give you a brief overview of my situation and explain why I'm conflicted by your advice. My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5.5 years I'm 31 and he's 35. I would have loved to have started a family much earlier but my husband had to finish grad school and get a stable job. Meanwhile I struggled to find a stable career to help support us due to a much of complications. I had to quit my most recent (reasonably paying job) when I got pregnant because I simply couldn't be on call 24/7 while dealing with morning sickness (which lasted for 20 weeks.)

Here's where I get to the conflict with what you're saying... I would actually love to be a SAHM but my husband, despite all his hard work and recent promotion, simply doesn't earn enough. With assistance from my mom providing child care, we will be able to get by financially with my working part time for which I am so thankful. Though I haven't completely decided which career I'll go back to part time I also have to consider the possibility that something could happen to my husband (death, illness, etc) or he could lose his job, and so on and so forth so I do need to have the capability to provide for our family should any of these things happen. So I try to keep that in mind while planning for the future. Also so many women don't find their one and only early in the life (or ever) and then yes they do need to support themselves. So as much as I agree with your overall message, it IS important that women be able to support themselves and family if plans simply don't go as planned!

Alec Singletary said...

I recently came across your blog and I am really enjoying reading it!! I nominated you for an award on my blog so check it out :) http://singletaryslifeasweknowit.blogspot.com
-Alec

Anonymous said...

Haha pay that house off in 5 years? Hahaha thats laughable. Not unless you have outside factors helping you pay it off. And guess what, in todays society you do need 2 incomes to support a family. Especially since neither of you are rich. Cmon now, get in the modern game. Stay at home moms just arent that prevalent anymore. Yea, I wish I could be a stay at home dad and never work either. But welcome to the new age, time to grow up.

Jessica Lindsey said...

I discovered you via Pinterest and I have enjoyed reading your posts. Like you, I too have always wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. Unlike you, life has not worked out that way for me. I believe it's easy for you to have this perspective because you have found your Godly man and had a child at a relatively young age. I am 32, single, currently obtaining my masters as a family nurse practitioner, I can speak a second language and have traveled to many of the beautiful countries God has created. Your post was offensive and even belittling. You really took a shot at single women who are trying to follow Gods path and discover his will for our lives. I would love to be married and have a child by this point in life, but I am not in control of that, it's not the definition of life. I am grateful for my career and proud that I can stand on my own two feet. I have life experience, family, friends, church life and a home I just paid off. You have a beautiful heart and large following. Please be a Godly role model for all women, not just those that are like yourself. I suppose we never know how will will react or carry the load until we are in that persons shoes.

lannaflan said...

I just wanted to say thank you. THANK YOU! Throughout recent years I've been struggling to figure out what it is that God has planned for me. I've changed my major three times now (from which I've learned tons but now I am in some serious debt) in order to find the "career" that was made for me. However, nothing that a degree can give me ever stuck out. I've been pushing myself to achieve these goals that OTHER people want for me. "You can't just be a wife, you have to have something to fall back on in case you split or he dies." How horrible! I understand that my family is looking out for me and just want what's best, but since I was a little girl WIFE and MOM have always been my biggest dreams. Not chemist, teacher, or fashion designer (all majors I've approached). I was always embarrassed to admit my true goals in this day's independent woman society.

Turns out the man I'm marrying in June has always wanted a WIFE. Not just to be taken care of, but to care for. This happened with many trials and much prayer and the tough times have been totally worth it.

I am so excited to be a supportive wife and eventually a mother. I want NOTHING more than to care for him and our family while creating a beautiful home! It's so exciting to think about all of the blessings that with this beautiful job and it's what God initially created us for!

Anyways, this post, as well as others, really supported what I have been experiencing. You have also inspired me to start a blog about my life as a Christian military wife once I'm married.

Thank you so much for your spiritual guidance and your excitement of being a woman of God.

Alanna F.

Ashley said...

I cannot say enough about your post, so I will keep it simple. This spoke volumes and volumes to me, and at just the right time. I seem to have been collecting W2s these past few years, never feeling content or fulfilled, but I've recently realized why. You've put into words, feelings that I could not. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful post. I too have always wanted to be a wife and mother and I have followed Gods direction in my life for a long time now, more closely the last two or three years including about the man I am going to marry. In the course of the that, I know (from Gods knowing that is) that once I have children I won't be working but staying home with my kids. I keep hearing the same thing, that is hard to afford and no one does that but I believe with God it is possible and that I am willing to follow His will no matter what others say or what I can physically see. I am also a teacher and as much as I love my job and my kids I know I will love being a wife and mother more! I found your blog post about the ways to be a godly wife last year and I believe that post has taught me so much about things in marriage and I know God put that post in my path to teach me things that I am not sure I would have learned and or considered otherwise! I believe God has blessed your path and your words and you are doing a great job! Great post and keep spreading Gods message for women! So important! May God bless you and your family!

Anonymous said...

Well said. I truly believe as well that God has a plan for all of our lives and we need to prayerfully ask Him what that is. Good for you!

Emily said...

I just ran across this and wanted to let you know I feel like God is using you to remind encourage me with things in my life. Right now I am almost 24(husband is 26) and have been happily married for almost 2 years now. I have a college degree and I am almost a Certified Public Accountant. While I am proud of myself for accomplishing such difficult goals. I have begun to realize that God is pulling my heart towards being a better wife and now to be a mother. Im afraid to voice this desire to some of our friends and family because people will tell me I am way too young, but I feel like we are prepared. We have a house, cars of our own, both have great jobs, and more importantly a growing desire in our hearts. We have recently been praying about it, but sometimes as you said the world tells us that we are too young and should accomplish more in our life first. I was browsing your blog and ran into this and thank you so much for writing this wonderful post. You seem like such a wonderful person and thank you for reminding me that we should be focusing on what God wants for our lives and less on what our society tells us we should be doing. This post was a wonderful reminder that its ok to want to be a wife and mother.