Monday, July 2, 2012

Being a Godly Wife

A few weeks ago, our preacher asked us to come mentor and share with a young couple during one of their marriage counseling sessions. He had several couples in various stages of their marriage come in, and we were the "newlywed" couple. Isn't that a great idea?
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I was very humbled and honored, but honestly, I felt very unworthy. I know a LOT of the right things to say. I have sat under some incredible teaching on marriage. I have been part of some awesome Bible studies, been mentored by some phenomenal women of the Lord, and been taught what it means to be a Godly wife. But, there are still a LOT of areas I really, REALLY need to work on and improve so I can be a better wife to Jonathan. I know that nobody is perfect, but there are so many areas where I fall short. 

Here are some things I shared that I also plan to REALLY start refocusing on in my own marriage so I can be a better wife. I have a feeling this post will not go over very well with a lot of people, as I know these are not popular thoughts (especially in today’s society). However, they are Biblical truths, and as believers, we are to adhere to the WORD and not to this world’s standards. So, I’m going to share what’s on my heart about being a Godly wife. I’m mostly writing this as a reminder to myself anyway. Whether you are dating, engaged, a newlywed, or have been married for years, these principles can help you be a more Godly wife when the time comes. (Obviously marriage is a two way street and the husband has his own extremely important roles in marriage to make it successful. This is simply focusing on what the Bible says about being a godly wife.)

I guess I should really start this out as a letter to myself. So here goes.

Dear Danielle,

1. Keep God first, your husband second.
Your relationship with the Lord should ALWAYS take priority in your life, and you should always be striving to seek Him. When you do that, the rest of your priorities are more likely to be in order. Make time for quiet time, reading the Word, and spending time in prayer so you can have the right heart and attitude throughout the day. And notice who comes second. Not you (selfish). Not your parents, family, friends, kids, job, hobbies, etc. Your HUSBAND is next. God wants it that way for a reason. A lot of households are out of order because lots of wives put their children before their spouse, and that is not the way that God designed the family. Eventually, children leave. God entrusts them with us temporarily to raise up in a Godly home, so they can go out and multiply and do the same. But that’s just it…they leave, and you are left with your spouse. That’s why so many marriages crumble when the kids are grown; couples lose sight of focusing on their own relationship and marriage and make the kids the sole priority. Kids LOVE to see their parents in love (even if they act like they don’t). It is really beneficial for them to see displays of affection and parents honoring one another and putting one another first. It teaches them the foundations of marriage so they will hopefully duplicate that healthy relationship in the future. It is our job to set a Godly example of marriage for our kids and model for them the type of marriage we hope for them to have. Be the kind of wife you want your daughter to be, and the kind of wife you want your son to marry.
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2. Understand the covenant.
Marriage is not a promise, a contract, an agreement, or anything temporary. It is a covenant, and covenants are NOT to be broken. When you say your vows, you are vowing not only to your husband, but also to God and before Him. I have a copy of our wedding vows in my Bible, and I pull them out and read them sometimes. It’s such a good reminder. The Bible says it is better to not make a vow at all than to make a vow to God and break it. In a society where divorce is the easy answer and common practice, we seem to have lost the understanding of the seriousness of marriage. It is not meant to be a rash decision made based on emotions or feelings. And divorce is not an easy way out like we think it is. God developed marriage, and it is so precious to Him. (That is exactly why Satan wants to attack the sanctity of marriage and destroy the family unit.) God chose your spouse for you before you were even born. He hand-picked that person especially for you, and you especially for him! Is that not the coolest thing?? (I seriously tear up every time I think about that!) That is why I always teach my SS girls they don’t have to go out seeking a spouse. If they stay in His will, He will put that person RIGHT in your path. That’s how so many of us end up with ‘baggage’ and regrets….we try to force our own future rather than trusting God and His perfect timing. Now, does that mean it’s going to be easy?  No. Marriage takes commitment, work, selflessness, and lots of grace and forgiveness. God expects us to put effort into our marriage. It is a gift from him, and we should treasure that by taking exceptional care of it. When things get tough, that’s time to cling to Him, the Word, and each other. Not time to bail.
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3. Submit.
Oh boy, here we go. I can remember being a little girl (probably middle school age) and  hearing someone tell me the Scripture in Ephesians that calls women to submit to their husbands. My reaction then was much like most women and like the world’s view of submission. I remember saying “There is NO WAY I’m going to be some man’s slave and stay at home and cook and clean for him!” It was not until I sat through a Bible study on the book of Ephesians that I truly understood submission. Submission is not meant for bad…it’s meant to give us more freedom actually. We have such a negative connotation of the word because we do not fully understand it. We are called to submit to our husbands as to the Lord. (This does not mean we are a door mat or should tolerate abuse of any kind. That is not at all what submission means.) Another reason our households are so out of order is because so many women are trying to rule the roost and wear the pants in their relationship. That is not how we’re made or equipped. Even if you have a ‘stronger’ personality than your husband, HE is still called to be the leader of your home. This is how I was taught, and this visual clicked and made perfect sense. The husband’s job is to be the spiritual leader of the home…..to protect from the enemy and to provide for the family. He is to stand in the doorway of the home with the whole armor of God on to keep the enemy out. The wife’s job is to be inside the home, supporting her husband by managing the household and praying for him. God did not equip women to fulfill the man’s role, and vice versa. I know we live in a very feminist society, and I am not saying we’re not meant to be 50/50. (Actually, I believe marriage is 100/100!). Jonathan helps me out around the house a lot, and I also contribute financially. We make decisions together. We just need to understand God equipped each of us to have a role within marriage and the family, and when one is trying to serve in the other’s role, things are out of whack from the way God designed it to be.
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4. Speak edifying words only.
Women are the world’s worst to get together and “husband bash” …and almost have a competition to see whose hubby has the worst faults. It is NOT acceptable to talk negatively about your husband to others. No excuses. We should always speak edifying words about him and be building him up to others (even if there are things about him that drive you BONKERS!!). Now don't get me wrong. There will be issues, and I do believe in communicating to your husband openly about that (see # 7) after praying first. I just know that it is so tempting to get sucked into complaining about things our hubbies do or don't do to others. YES, all of our men do things we may not love. However, by nagging them or complaining to our girlfriends about it, that is NOT going to bring about change. We especially have to be careful talking negatively about our spouse to our family because it can change their opinion of them, and there is no undoing that. Sometimes we just may be mad temporarily, but that is not something they can erase from our family's minds as easily. Always, always talk to God about it before you open your mouth to anyone else. Lots of times you’ll see that is enough “venting” to make you feel better. Do not tear your husband down to his face or behind his back. And on that note, it IS okay to PRAISE your husband. If he works hard, let him know you appreciate it. If you love that he always makes your coffee, give him some praise for that. If he’s an AWESOME dad, let him know you think so. Whatever it is that you love or appreciate about him, TELL HIM. (It’s funny how that works…men seem to thrive off praise and it makes them want to do more good things for you!) The Bible tells us our words either bring life or death. Speak LIFE over our husband.

5. Manage the home like the Proverbs 31 woman.
Learn this Scripture. Study it. Meditate on it. Strive to be like the woman described in this passage. Ask the Lord to reveal you what each of these things may look like in your life. We are called to be the managers of our home, and the atmosphere of our homes is often determined by our attitudes, words, actions, and reactions. 

6. Do it anyway.
There are lots of things we don’t want to do, and even though we enter into marriage claiming unconditional love, our actions reflect a very conditional basis. We want to cook him dinner when he does nice things for us first. We only want to compliment him when he compliments us. If he doesn’t do this, we won’t do this….That’s not how it works. Your husband may not always be fulfilling his role, but that is between him and God. It i s NOT our job as wives to correct or discipline our husband. We are created to be his help meet; not his Holy Spirit; not his mama. We are his wife. His companion. You should do things for your husband because he is your husband, NOT because of things he is or isn’t doing for you. Of course it’s easier to want to do nice things for him when he seems to notice and appreciate them, but he may not. Do them anyway, because ultimately you are seeking to please the Lord, so think of it as being obedient in serving the Lord if nothing else. Serving your husband on a conditional basis is selfish and immature, and that does not honor or glorify God in any way. Our role as a wife is ultimately to bring God glory through our marriage, so we must choose to to view that responsibility as if we are working for the Lord. 

7. Communicate.
He is not a mind reader, and it’s not fair to expect him to know or understand your wants/needs or what you’re thinking if you don’t TELL HIM. This is such a simple concept, but so many disagreements result from a lack of communication. Learn to communicate with him. Ask him questions. Listen. And don’t nag/fuss/yell. (That wont accomplish much anyway other than driving a wedge between you.) TALK. Like a normal person. We also need to put the phones/laptops down to acknowledge him when he is talking. Don't we like that type of respect demonstrated for us?
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8. Remember the 80/20 principle.
Do not put yourself in compromising positions. PROTECT your marriage. There is no reason to ever be alone with anyone of the opposite sex. Be careful with social media and be cautious in friendships. The grass may be greener on the other side, but that’s because it’s being fertilized with poo. You married your spouse because he probably had about 80% of the qualities you wanted in a man. Lots of affairs happen because people are seeking to find someone else to fulfill that 20% their spouse is lacking, and they don’t realize the 80% they are throwing away in doing that! If you will focus on building up your husband for that 80% and focus on his STRENGTHS (rather than focusing on the 20% & weaknesses….nagging, trying to change him, etc.), you will both be SO much happier. Be content with what you have. It’s all about your attitude and perspective…think about what you are choosing to focus on. If you are constantly telling him things he is doing wrong and things you wish he’d change or do differently, you are tearing him down. It may help to write out all the things you love about your husband. If you don’t have a very long list, maybe you should blame that on the person in the mirror. After all, you’re the one who married him, right?
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9. Strive to please him.
This is tough for us girls too. We tend to be self-centered and are more concerned about if our husbands are "meeting our needs." We think we ‘deserve’ so many things.  Imagine how happy it would make your husband if you tried to cook meals he likes, talk about and take interest in things that interest him, and do things with him that he likes to do. He would probably be tickled to death!! Yes, you may HATE watching basketball, but that’s not the point. The point is the man you love loves watching it. When you are willing to sacrifice with the small things like that, I truly believe that helps his love grow deeper for you and it will return tenfold in some way. This also means taking care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, and try to dress up for him sometimes. No, I’m not saying you have to be a little trophy wife, but if you take care of yourself, you’ll feel more confident and desirable, and you will both benefit from that. Lots of women “let themselves go” after getting married and having kids. (I know, lots of husbands do that too…I don’t think that’s okay for them either). I want to take care of myself for Jonathan.

10. Cover him in prayer.
We should pray for our husband every.single.day. No excuses, ever.  He NEEDS your prayer. Think again about his role as the head of the household. Since marriage is so sacred to God, you know the enemy is going to be constantly trying to attack, which means our husband is constantly battling spiritual warfare. He needs for you to cover him in prayer daily to help him stay strong. Pray for his thoughts, his mind, his attitude, his relationship with the Lord, etc. If there is something you would like to see change in your husband, start asking God to do a work in his life. Prayer is POWERFUL. I take my role in praying for Jonathan very seriously and I make sure he knows that.

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I truly believe if we focus on being the BEST wives we can be for our husbands, God will honor that and your husband will step his game up as well. Even if he doesn’t, our goal should be to live a life that is holy and pleasing to the Lord. If nothing else, do it out of obedience to Him.

Praying the Lord will bless you in your marriage.

Any advice you’d like to share?

Anything you’ve learned about being a Godly wife??

689 comments:

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Anonymous said...

I have to agree with devoted mother. My parents put us kids first and it made us the happiest children (now adults) and have a great close relationship in which we can talk about everything and be best friends. If my parents put each other first, I would wonder why they even had kids in the first place (I wonder that about my friends' parents a lot). I have lots of friends who wish they had close relationships with their parents. It's really not that uncommon! Now their parents can't kick them out faster because they haven't bonded as much with their kids and my friends now can't decipher their relationship with their parents. I was very lucky, privileged and loved. They told me when I came home from college to stay as long as I needed to until I could get off the ground, not kick me out so they could be alone again.

Danielle, while your rules were "helpful tools", we make our own fate. We make decisions that change the course of our life, not God. He gave us freewill. Those were OUR choices.

I also might add to take a look at Filipino families. The woman is the head of the household in most homes there and I think they do just fine.

Unknown said...

I am more terrified by the amount of people that agree with this blog than the blog itself. Speaking of tearing up, i'm in tears that women today actually want and strive to be accessories in a mans life still.
Who ever this girl is, wake the fuck up. you are better and worth more than this. your life has more meaning than baby making, cooking and cleaning, and submission. Im saddened at the fact that southern women in particular brain wash themselves with the bible. Our southern society puts so much pressure on being a young wife that smart women with degrees and talent throw it all away because they are in such a rush to marry the first guy that comes along and have babies by age 22.
Wake up ladies... put down the bible, listen to your inner self. If things dont feel right then they arent right! if you have to use a book written thousands of years ago to justify your life because it doesnt feel right to you that is a huge problem!!!!!!!!! we arent our mothers, stop being stupid.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for reaffirming my husband's and I's choice to be atheists with this list. Neither a woman or man should ever "submit" to their spouse and I am so thankful that I am married to a man who would never expect, want, or ask me to do anything other than strive to achieve my dreams, regardless of how ambitious or outside of my "role" they are.

Anonymous said...

Hi Danielle,
I praise God that the Holy Spirit worked in your heart to write this. You will be blessed for being faithful to the Lord and I pray that you know that your words and honesty have encouraged and/or convicted more people than those who's hearts have not been receptive. Our God's plans are far greater than our own and I trust that God put you and your husband into a mentoring position because He knows your hearts and He speaks through you. I pray that God will bless your marriage and that the truths/principles you have listed will remain with both of you. My fiancé and I pray for the rest of our lives that we would "Above all else, love each other deeply" 1 Peter 4:8. God has been so gracious to us by showing us His love and through knowing His love (real love) we are able to love each other (or at least try our hardest) as He loves us. I know that at the root of God's Word is that He loves us and I pray that your marriage would be grounded in just that.

Anonymous said...

This post was wonderful :) Thank you for sharing. You're setting a great example to all women

Anonymous said...

I agree, this absolutely horrible. I cannot believe that in this day and age women believe this nonsense. Marriage is such a beautiful thing. A friendship that stems from love and trust. Not bending over backwards to prove your "devotion". Ladies, whatever you put into your marriage, expect the same from your husband.

Lauren Stokes said...

Amazing post. Thank you for sharing. I am bookmarking this. God Bless.

Lauren Stokes said...

Amazing post. Thank you for sharing. I am bookmarking this. God Bless.

Unknown said...

What a blessing that you wrote this post sister! You made so many great points. I truly believe in a biblical standard of a womanhood, and I am glad you do too :) Many of the Lords perfect blessings to your family. -Anna

Anonymous said...

I am really glad I found this... I desperately needed to read this today. Thanks so much for this advice!

HisPrincessWarrior said...

this has some of the best marriage advice I have ever read. EVER.

Kaitlin said...

I'm not married yet, but I hope to be some day. However, my father has preached on this subject several times, speaking of how different our beliefs are compared to the world's. I really appreciated reading this, knowing there are other people out there that still believe marriage is what God intended it to be.

Anonymous said...

This is amazing!!

Anonymous said...

Thank u for ur post it helped me see things in a diffent way n think about things a little better my hubby works out of town n when he gets home its a little over welling but now I see the thing that I do wrong thank u so much

Anonymous said...

Thank you! This was awesome!

Anonymous said...

I've been in an on and off relationship for 7 years. I'm Christian and he is Catholic and swore he would never attend the church I reside at. I walked away from my relationship and started walking with God, believing my days of happiness is constant in him. I read From Dream To Destiny by Pastor Robert Morris and it has helped me rediscover who I am in Christ. 3/9/14 my boyfriend of 7 yrs went to church with Me and wants to return. So much pain was endured but Forgiveness Will set you free. We're all imperfect but God has perfectly made us. . . Tell God He has full authority over You and your life. God never fails!

Anonymous said...

I like how the person that slightly goes against the status quo of this blog has had so many responses. She is just stating her opinion and I really don't see a problem with that. There is actually a lot of merit to what she is saying.

jacie @ http://jacieland.blogspot.com/ said...

woah. i am so happy i stumbled upon this post. what great insight you've shared. do you have insight from your spouse as well? i love this because like you, these are daily things i can remember. thank you so much for your Godly insight. please ignore any negative feedback you've received, or like Jesus said (paraphrased), pray for those whom condemn you! :) xoxo

jacie @ http://jacieland.blogspot.com/ said...

we'll be praying for you! :)

Unknown said...

Thank you so much for writing this post!!!!
I am about to get married and I've been trying to submit myself to my fiancé! Its hard sometimes because I was brought up to never depend on a man and to be independent!!!
And then your post started off with dear Danielle.....I was awestruck... My name is Danielle and I looked at Cody with excitement and said she is totally talking to me!!!! Thank you so much!!!! You have helped me so much in continuing my journey submitting my life to Christ and Cody!

Anonymous said...

If you haven't been to a Theology of the Body talk, I think you'd really enjoy it.

Anonymous said...

No I am not married yet, though I have found a man that would love to spend the rest of my life with. This article from start to finish is what has been dwelling on my heart. I want what we have to be Godly and true and it is hard. But I want to thank you for your post.

Anonymous said...

Ashley, Singleness can be an amazing life season or calling. What are you "patiently waiting" for? Go forward and live life to it's fullest. The advantages and opportunities are incredible as a "single" women! You can go through doors that God opens that might not be available to you if you were married. Debbie

Mrs. Dagit said...

Some of your links are broken. For example, the Proverbs 31 verse doesn't show up. Can you fix that so we can see it? Thanks. :-)

LaDonna LaDay said...

Love love love it! Is there anyway u could email this to me because I would like to keep it as a reminder to myself! This really hit home to me and I been married 14 years! Laday6@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

What a sweet reminder, Bless you both.....

Anonymous said...

Wow. I'm not "necessarily" a believer or church goer, but reading your post makes so much sense. My husband and I have been through so much in our eight year marriage and have got to the stage where we''ve forgotten how to show our love. I'm going to try this and see what happens. Thank you

Unknown said...

I am not married, nor will I be anytime soon. I'm only 17, but I have sat through many a Bible lesson learning how to be a good, faithful Christian wife. I've watched as my grandmother and mother live out the words of Proverbs 31. Even though I may not be as experienced as some of y'all in marriage and relationships (which I haven't been in many), I do know what God says and I loved your post. It was very beautiful and it added flame to the fire burning in me to be the best Godly wife I can be when it's finally my turn to be a wife. Thank you for still believing in the one and only True Word of God. The verses you've used are some of my favorites that I try to model even my single life after. You are very inspirational and I commend you on your beliefs.
Also: I do not belong to the Southern Baptist church. I belong to the true church purchased by Christ and his blood, The Church of Christ. These verses are the very foundation I have heard the preacher use when he preaches on marriage. It's not only Southern Baptists.
SOUTHERNERS are NOT an embarassment to this country, mind you. Just because we may be raised a little different, talk a little slower, or have different beliefs than those in the North, West, or East does not make us an embarassment. To the Lord, we are all the same. He sees us all as His children. When the Final Judgement comes, it will not matter to Him whether you were from New York City, or a little ole podunk town in Arkansas like me, He will be looking at how you lived your life and whether or not you abided by his word and will.

Again, thank you for your post. It was lovely and very inspiring for those young and old. :)

Anonymous said...

This was a great read! Thank you for sharing, I really needed this.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this! Have you posted the tips from your husband yet?

Anonymous said...

Wow what an article! This has truly been a blessing to me, it's so good to get excellent Christian advice thank you so much for taking time out of your life to share I may even print and post this on my fridge!

Unknown said...

Could you please share what your husband said? :) I have searched for it and can't seem to find it and I would love to hear what he shared.

mms said...

I am not really a religious person, I am Catholic and somewhat practice it but i'll be honest I am not a very good religious person, however, this article is really great. I think all of this is sound good advice for anyone, religious or not. I try to be strict with myself about not talking poorly about my boyfriend to others. Its so easy when you are in that group setting to vent about how he forgot to do the dishes when he got home early and you were working all day, but it is not worth slandering his name for a few minutes of making yourself feel better. Communication has to be part of any relationship it is so important. Anyways, I just wanted to say this was a great article and thank you. I actually read the 80/20 principle to my boyfriend because I thought it was so well written and something I had never thought of before. Thanks for this article!

Morgan said...

I love your post. I think this is extremely powerful. When you said: God developed marriage, and it is so precious to Him. He chose your spouse for you before you were even born!! He hand-picked that person especially for you, and you especially for him! Is that not the coolest thing?? (I seriously tear up every time I think about that!) You have to go out seeking a spouse. If you stay in God's will, He will put that person RIGHT in your path. That’s how so many of us end up with ‘baggage’ and regrets….we try to force our own future rather than trusting God and His perfect timing.

That blew me away. It is so true. I emailed your link to my entire family! God bless you and your marriage. Thank you so much for sharing!


MsLeti said...

Amen! Well said. Thank you for your post!

Anonymous said...

Someone seriously still believes in god? Wake up people...

Anonymous said...

Sometimes the young and the humble are the best teachers. Sometimes a person can be more helpful when the counsel they are giving ( marriage counsel) is something they themselves have followed or learned in the resent past. Neither couple has children, it seems, but then again they weren't asked to counsel on child rearing. An older person offering counsel may not have knowledge of current issues or matters that a younger couple might face in this day and age. Things have changed so much and someone in their 50 ' s may not as easily recall what the talked about before they got married or how they decided to handle finances etc... If your heart is dedicated to God' s service, young or old, he will direct your steps and use you to bless others. Thank you for your scriptural encouragement to women everywhere! ♡

Anonymous said...

If you were attracted to him once you can be again. While I was pregnant i had this occur. It was due to a drastic hormone imbalance and i miss carried the the baby. Afterward I felt much better bit during the miscarriage we prayed together and I spend several days meditating on God's word. Prayer can change anything so long as there is faith. Please don't be afraid to ask questions like ' Am I depressed or imbalanced?" Fight for your marriage! We are happier than ever!

Anonymous said...

Please note that calling yourself a Christian does NOT mean you are one. Christian's are 'christ-like'. Christ came to earth, obeyed and served his Father and died, yes died, at his request. This does not sound in the least, like something you would be willing to do, from your comments. Sacrifice your life for the good of others and choose to be happy while you do it, and you can then, truly, call yourself a Christian. Serve others, not yourself. Love your spouse more than yourself. That is what we Christians are called to do. Right now you are falsely professing Christ and hindering yourself and others in the process.

Anonymous said...

The book you mentioned is a good book but may intimidated newer Christians. Elizabeth George has a wonderful book on 'A Women After His Own Heart'. It is a gentler read and also just as good.

Anonymous said...

My submission is a gift my husband not something demanded. In our vows, I vowed to obey him and I try my best to do so. I took that vow of my own free will and would do so again. If you marry the person God has intended for you, you will never feel like a slave, a rug, a dish rag or anything but a true Princess who loves and serves her true love!♡

Anonymous said...

Same sex couples are not biblical. Sodom and Gomara (might not have spelled that right:/) burned for the sin that is homosexuality. Therefore there is no biblical path for a same sex relationship to follow. It is unbiblical. Men with men -fullfilling their own lusts. So very sad.

Anonymous said...

Dear have you read of Job? Do you think you are better then him? The lord tested you dear and you are failing and Satan is winning. Please don't let him win. You still have your children. Be thankful for what you have. Do not dwell on the past. Focus on the now. Those whom he loves he often tests with fire.

Anonymous said...

Your rude comments and generalizations categorize you among those lacking in education. Respectful disagreement with noted points would have made your case much more compelling. As it is, you haven't a leg to stand on, so to speak.

Anonymous said...

I seriously needed this and possibly more. After 4 years of marriage 1 kid and 1 on the way my husband has decided to quit church. I'm mortified. My kids ( we each have a daughter from previous relationships but its our first marriage. We are not perfect) are starting to ask questions and realize daddy doesn't act like us anymore. I don't know how to encourage him, to get him back in church. He is pretty far gone in just a couple of weeks. I need advice or help in some way but mostly I need more and more prayers going up for him to get back right with God.

Anonymous said...

Great post

Unknown said...

This is the best advice I ever heard on marriage coming from a young lady, truth be told even some grown women do not have the wisdom you possess. God bless you for agreeing to be used and telling us timeless truth. And may God truly bless your marriage

Anonymous said...

Sigh. This makes my head hurt. My husband doesn't communicate. He doesn't ask how I'm doing. I ask him questions and I get one word responses. We coexist muddling through life day to day. I've tried to be that doting wife... but when you can't even get a conversation in return... it's hard to want to do stuff for him. When all I do is give and he takes and takes... My emotional bank is depleted.

sincerelymegs said...

Thank you so much for sharing! I really needed this!

Anonymous said...

I loved your blog about being a godly wife, so I did not see the blog about being a godly husband, you have that and could post it for me I would greatly appreciate it. I hope you get the blogs coming.!!

Anonymous said...

I loved this post!! Thank you so much for sharing! It is so true and there are so many things I need to remember to do. Thank you for reminding me of the important things in a marriage :) I agree with everything!

Anonymous said...

Awesome post. Thanks so much for sharing.

Heather B said...

Thank you for your blog. This is great. Amen! I just finished reading a brand new book I think you would enjoy. It's called "The Wholehearted Wife: 10 Keys to a More Loving Relationship," by Erin, Greg and Gary Smalley. It is centered on changing ME and aligning myself with God and what he wants from me as a wife. Biblical, inspirational, affirming. One of my favorite quotes is, ""If you want to have a more loving relationship with your husband, remember that he's a gift from God, a treasured possession - just as you are. As a Wholehearted wife, seek to honor him each day by cherishing him and affirming his value. Treat him like a Stradivarius!" I highly recommend it!

Anonymous said...

Danielle, Thank you so much for this post. I am getting married in August and this is such a great reminder for me to be a Godly wife.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful writing.....how about a touch of reality??? You have put unrealistic expectations on a wife and you must live in some pampered, unrealistic world. Get a job working 12 hours a day, being on call, raising two kids, one with juvenile diabetes, care for an elderly mother and then.....well let's see how submissive, adoring and loving you are to your perfect mate. I have been married 18 years and he is wonderful and we have a great life but the picture you paint is ridiculous and will make any young bride feel like they are a failure. Come walk in my shoes for awhile. The writing was beautiful, the intention pure but it is just lacking so much reality of everyday living.

Stace Michelle said...

I think those that are discrediting the advice given by this young wife must not have completely read what she wrote in the beginning of her post. She says that the pastor asked couples from various stages of marriage to come in and meet with the couple in counseling. This young woman and her husband were simply the "newlywed couple". As someone who is recently engaged, I think it is a great idea to have married couples at various stages in life to meet with the to-be-weds. This thread has spun out of hand, the things that are mentioned in this post really touched me and I know will stick with me. Shame on you all tearing her down, God clearly put these words on her heart, I knew because He used them to speak to me.

Two Broke Wives said...

Just want you to know that I love what you wrote here and come back to it often, to reflect and remind myself of how to be a Godly wife. Thank you for your words.

Unknown said...

There seems to be a pattern with cheating husbands in the comments on this post... Why do women think it's okay to constantly be betrayed when they have done nothing to deserve it? The fact that God doesn't want you to have a divorce and wants you to forgive others has made it become "okay" for them to cheat on you. If they are willing to do something that stupid they do not deserve to come home to a beautiful family & faithful wife each day in my opinion. I understand that no one is perfect but if adultery wasn't an incredibly serious offense there would not be biblical grounds for divorce & remarriage. Please keep in mind that the punishment for adultery used to be DEATH!!! Personally, I would say divorce the son of a bitch! I think God would understand!!

Sweetheart Wife said...

This was beautiful and really inspired me to be a better wife to my husband! Thank you so much for this!

Anonymous said...

As a Mom of 5 kids, 14 years down to 5, married for 11 years now (and yes, I married my first-born's father, I liked him that much ;-)) I LOVED this post. I am going to print it off for the future for my daughters. It has not been an easy 15 years and required a lot of prayer. My husband's job keeps him away many nights. Time has only made me appreciate him that much more for everything he does and makes me want to be a better wife. Thanks for posting!

Cyn said...

Easy to say with a hot husband. My husband a obese and ugly and completely unattractive in any way. I actually pray that he will find someone else so I can be free without being the bad guy.. . .

Anonymous said...

I Am Glad This Post Has ResurfaceD On PintresT~It Was A Good Reminder For Me. After An Abuse Filled First Marriage, I Was Bound And Determined That I Would Not Be Taken Advantage Of In My Second Marriage...Well Low And Behold God Has Been Working That Out Of Me For The Last Six Years!! Just As You Said, You Are To Treat Your Husband The Way God Outlines It In His Word. Not When He Deserves It Or You Feel Like It, But Always. God Gives Us Grace, Both Husbands And wives. And With Gods Help we Should Do The Same. i Believe When We Strive To Be A Godly ExampIE To Our Husband, Children And The World God Can Use It To Teach Others...I Said God Can Teach... Not Us. I Would Much Rather The Lord cHange My Husbands heart~Which Is A True Change And Not One ThaT Comes From Me Complaining Or Nagging And Is Only Temporary. It Is A Long Journey And We Are Not There Yet..But We Are Enjoying The Ride.
Hope To All In Christ,
j

Unknown said...

What an awesome gift you have! God's light definitely shines out when reading this.Take this gift out into the world.We all need people like you to give us uplifting advice.God bless you for sharing this.
Love in Christ!

Anonymous said...

Rachel, you are wrong. When things are toughest is the time you pull this out and read it to be reminded of the path God set for you.

Anonymous said...

Awesome post!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story, I have some advice for you both, there is nothing more powerful then to be in the house of the Lord, to hear the true word, to be with your brothers and sisters in Christ, one must attend service, so that one can be feed through the word, go back.

Anonymous said...

I'm literally in tears because GOD sent me too this post. It is so true and eye opening. I desire to be all of these things to my husband and please God in the process first and foremost. I have a long way to go but the desire to do it is definitely there by the grace of God. God bless you for being obedient and writing this post. So many women need to read it:-)

Anonymous said...

Even as a girl who is in a relationship, not a marriage, this is totally relevant and awesome!

Unknown said...

I needed to see this message because I was thinking about separation thank you and am glad the Lord guide me to see and read thid

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing what God gave u to share...it inspired my heart to continue my endeavor in being the Christian wife I need to be.

Anonymous said...

Love, love, love this!

Anonymous said...

I needed to read this. I needed to hear this perspective from a woman. Because I have been so lost trying to figure out what it is that I want, and where my past relationships have gone wrong. I think involvement with God is the most important thing in a relationship, and knowing each other's role. I do not believe anybody on this Earth deserves special treatment. I believe we all deserve God's treatment.

Brittany Helms said...

So well and beautifully spoken!!! I really needed this today!

Sammy said...

This is beautiful!

Unknown said...

Wow this message has opened up my eyes more than you can imagine.From today onwards i want to try live my life that way.I truly believe it is possible, im not proud of it at all to admit this but iv spoken ill of my husband to my friends as well as family and now relise i need to fix that and i need to appreciate him more and praise him instead of running him down.Thank you so much for this blog i truly realy needed this.

Anonymous said...

This is a load of rubbish, woman should not be made to obey or summit to anybody. What a twisted view on marriage, why should your role be to please someone who most probably is off having sex with his secretary

Anonymous said...

I know this post is over 3 years old, but I believe God put it in front of me today for a reason. I have been married for just over 3 years and have been struggling with being a Godly wife; I get very much stuck in the selfish attitude of "well if you're not doing anything for me why should I for you..?" So number 6 especially hit home for me. I am so grateful for the honesty you put into this post. It is clear God used you to touch the lives of many women who are trying to do better for their marriages in their roles as wives. God bless you and your family. Thanks for an uplifting and convicting read.

Unknown said...

I agree with you. God didn't give me my big brain so that I could defer to my husband in everything. We each have our own interests, our own lives. He had as much a responsibility to listen to me as I do to him. We are equal partners.

Unknown said...

Tell your hubs to grow up.

Unknown said...

Jaded? How about realistic?

Unknown said...

I hear you, girl. It's tough to be a single parent, especially when the daddy steps out for good and doesn't help. If you're a bit jaded about all this Christian mushiness, i don't blame you a bit. So-called Christians have made my life a living hell over the years. All this bible advice is crap, basically. The only rule is love. I believe in kindness, tolerance, understanding, and a basic commitment to be true to yourself. So hang in there, girl, and don't let anyone shame you with Christian dogma.

Unknown said...

You don't need God to have a good marriage. Secular marriages can be as good or better than so-called Christian ones. I know. I have one.

Unknown said...

The only good part about the bible is the teachings of the prophet Jesus. The only rule he set out was to love one another. That's it. The rest of the "rules" mentioned here about putting husband first, et al., had to do with social mores of the ancient times. The whole point of Jesus' teachings was to throw out all those old rules. If anyone can understand how to actually practice love, a whole lot of problems can be brokered to resolution without abuse, disrespect, etc. Both partners (partners as equals) must commit to that love or it won't work so well.

Unknown said...

Meek and humble... Haha

Haley Wilcox said...

I have read this time and time again and have passed it on to many of my friends. I am not religious at all and this still helped to transform my marriage.

Unknown said...

Unless your previous spouse is deceased you are committing adultery by remarrying.Please read Romans 7:2-3!
Praise Yahshua for truth!

Whitney said...

I read a lot about marriage to be sure we are always growing towards unity in our marriage. This post is one that I regularly revisit to be sure we aren't being complacent. Thank you for it! God bless! Celebrating 15 years March 21, 2018

Anonymous said...

Also, she mentioned that the counseling for the soon-to-be-married couple included many different couples in differing stages of marriage. I loved this post.

Anonymous said...

Awesome article.

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