A few weeks ago, our preacher asked us to come mentor and share with a young couple during one of their marriage counseling sessions. He had several couples in various stages of their marriage come in, and we were the "newlywed" couple. Isn't that a great idea?
I was very humbled and honored, but honestly, I felt very unworthy. I know a LOT of the right things to say. I have sat under some incredible teaching on marriage. I have been part of some awesome Bible studies, been mentored by some phenomenal women of the Lord, and been taught what it means to be a Godly wife. But, there are still a LOT of areas I really, REALLY need to work on and improve so I can be a better wife to Jonathan. I know that nobody is perfect, but there are so many areas where I fall short.
Here are some things I shared that I also plan to REALLY start refocusing on in my own marriage so I can be a better wife. I have a feeling this post will not go over very well with a lot of people, as I know these are not popular thoughts (especially in today’s society). However, they are Biblical truths, and as believers, we are to adhere to the WORD and not to this world’s standards. So, I’m going to share what’s on my heart about being a Godly wife. I’m mostly writing this as a reminder to myself anyway. Whether you are dating, engaged, a newlywed, or have been married for years, these principles can help you be a more Godly wife when the time comes. (Obviously marriage is a two way street and the husband has his own extremely important roles in marriage to make it successful. This is simply focusing on what the Bible says about being a godly wife.)
I guess I should really start this out as a letter to myself. So here goes.
Dear Danielle,
1. Keep God first, your husband second.
Your relationship with the Lord should ALWAYS take priority in your life, and you should always be striving to seek Him. When you do that, the rest of your priorities are more likely to be in order. Make time for quiet time, reading the Word, and spending time in prayer so you can have the right heart and attitude throughout the day. And notice who comes second. Not you (selfish). Not your parents, family, friends, kids, job, hobbies, etc. Your HUSBAND is next. God wants it that way for a reason. A lot of households are out of order because lots of wives put their children before their spouse, and that is not the way that God designed the family. Eventually, children leave. God entrusts them with us temporarily to raise up in a Godly home, so they can go out and multiply and do the same. But that’s just it…they leave, and you are left with your spouse. That’s why so many marriages crumble when the kids are grown; couples lose sight of focusing on their own relationship and marriage and make the kids the sole priority. Kids LOVE to see their parents in love (even if they act like they don’t). It is really beneficial for them to see displays of affection and parents honoring one another and putting one another first. It teaches them the foundations of marriage so they will hopefully duplicate that healthy relationship in the future. It is our job to set a Godly example of marriage for our kids and model for them the type of marriage we hope for them to have. Be the kind of wife you want your daughter to be, and the kind of wife you want your son to marry.
2. Understand the covenant.
Marriage is not a promise, a contract, an agreement, or anything temporary. It is a covenant, and covenants are NOT to be broken. When you say your vows, you are vowing not only to your husband, but also to God and before Him. I have a copy of our wedding vows in my Bible, and I pull them out and read them sometimes. It’s such a good reminder. The Bible says it is better to not make a vow at all than to make a vow to God and break it. In a society where divorce is the easy answer and common practice, we seem to have lost the understanding of the seriousness of marriage. It is not meant to be a rash decision made based on emotions or feelings. And divorce is not an easy way out like we think it is. God developed marriage, and it is so precious to Him. (That is exactly why Satan wants to attack the sanctity of marriage and destroy the family unit.) God chose your spouse for you before you were even born. He hand-picked that person especially for you, and you especially for him! Is that not the coolest thing?? (I seriously tear up every time I think about that!) That is why I always teach my SS girls they don’t have to go out seeking a spouse. If they stay in His will, He will put that person RIGHT in your path. That’s how so many of us end up with ‘baggage’ and regrets….we try to force our own future rather than trusting God and His perfect timing. Now, does that mean it’s going to be easy? No. Marriage takes commitment, work, selflessness, and lots of grace and forgiveness. God expects us to put effort into our marriage. It is a gift from him, and we should treasure that by taking exceptional care of it. When things get tough, that’s time to cling to Him, the Word, and each other. Not time to bail.
3. Submit.
Oh boy, here we go. I can remember being a little girl (probably middle school age) and hearing someone tell me the Scripture in Ephesians that calls women to submit to their husbands. My reaction then was much like most women and like the world’s view of submission. I remember saying “There is NO WAY I’m going to be some man’s slave and stay at home and cook and clean for him!” It was not until I sat through a Bible study on the book of Ephesians that I truly understood submission. Submission is not meant for bad…it’s meant to give us more freedom actually. We have such a negative connotation of the word because we do not fully understand it. We are called to submit to our husbands as to the Lord. (This does not mean we are a door mat or should tolerate abuse of any kind. That is not at all what submission means.) Another reason our households are so out of order is because so many women are trying to rule the roost and wear the pants in their relationship. That is not how we’re made or equipped. Even if you have a ‘stronger’ personality than your husband, HE is still called to be the leader of your home. This is how I was taught, and this visual clicked and made perfect sense. The husband’s job is to be the spiritual leader of the home…..to protect from the enemy and to provide for the family. He is to stand in the doorway of the home with the whole armor of God on to keep the enemy out. The wife’s job is to be inside the home, supporting her husband by managing the household and praying for him. God did not equip women to fulfill the man’s role, and vice versa. I know we live in a very feminist society, and I am not saying we’re not meant to be 50/50. (Actually, I believe marriage is 100/100!). Jonathan helps me out around the house a lot, and I also contribute financially. We make decisions together. We just need to understand God equipped each of us to have a role within marriage and the family, and when one is trying to serve in the other’s role, things are out of whack from the way God designed it to be.
4. Speak edifying words only.
Women are the world’s worst to get together and “husband bash” …and almost have a competition to see whose hubby has the worst faults. It is NOT acceptable to talk negatively about your husband to others. No excuses. We should always speak edifying words about him and be building him up to others (even if there are things about him that drive you BONKERS!!). Now don't get me wrong. There will be issues, and I do believe in communicating to your husband openly about that (see # 7) after praying first. I just know that it is so tempting to get sucked into complaining about things our hubbies do or don't do to others. YES, all of our men do things we may not love. However, by nagging them or complaining to our girlfriends about it, that is NOT going to bring about change. We especially have to be careful talking negatively about our spouse to our family because it can change their opinion of them, and there is no undoing that. Sometimes we just may be mad temporarily, but that is not something they can erase from our family's minds as easily. Always, always talk to God about it before you open your mouth to anyone else. Lots of times you’ll see that is enough “venting” to make you feel better. Do not tear your husband down to his face or behind his back. And on that note, it IS okay to PRAISE your husband. If he works hard, let him know you appreciate it. If you love that he always makes your coffee, give him some praise for that. If he’s an AWESOME dad, let him know you think so. Whatever it is that you love or appreciate about him, TELL HIM. (It’s funny how that works…men seem to thrive off praise and it makes them want to do more good things for you!) The Bible tells us our words either bring life or death. Speak LIFE over our husband.
5. Manage the home like the Proverbs 31 woman.
Learn this Scripture. Study it. Meditate on it. Strive to be like the woman described in this passage. Ask the Lord to reveal you what each of these things may look like in your life. We are called to be the managers of our home, and the atmosphere of our homes is often determined by our attitudes, words, actions, and reactions.
6. Do it anyway.
There are lots of things we don’t want to do, and even though we enter into marriage claiming unconditional love, our actions reflect a very conditional basis. We want to cook him dinner when he does nice things for us first. We only want to compliment him when he compliments us. If he doesn’t do this, we won’t do this….That’s not how it works. Your husband may not always be fulfilling his role, but that is between him and God. It i s NOT our job as wives to correct or discipline our husband. We are created to be his help meet; not his Holy Spirit; not his mama. We are his wife. His companion. You should do things for your husband because he is your husband, NOT because of things he is or isn’t doing for you. Of course it’s easier to want to do nice things for him when he seems to notice and appreciate them, but he may not. Do them anyway, because ultimately you are seeking to please the Lord, so think of it as being obedient in serving the Lord if nothing else. Serving your husband on a conditional basis is selfish and immature, and that does not honor or glorify God in any way. Our role as a wife is ultimately to bring God glory through our marriage, so we must choose to to view that responsibility as if we are working for the Lord.
7. Communicate.
He is not a mind reader, and it’s not fair to expect him to know or understand your wants/needs or what you’re thinking if you don’t TELL HIM. This is such a simple concept, but so many disagreements result from a lack of communication. Learn to communicate with him. Ask him questions. Listen. And don’t nag/fuss/yell. (That wont accomplish much anyway other than driving a wedge between you.) TALK. Like a normal person. We also need to put the phones/laptops down to acknowledge him when he is talking. Don't we like that type of respect demonstrated for us?
8. Remember the 80/20 principle.
Do not put yourself in compromising positions. PROTECT your marriage. There is no reason to ever be alone with anyone of the opposite sex. Be careful with social media and be cautious in friendships. The grass may be greener on the other side, but that’s because it’s being fertilized with poo. You married your spouse because he probably had about 80% of the qualities you wanted in a man. Lots of affairs happen because people are seeking to find someone else to fulfill that 20% their spouse is lacking, and they don’t realize the 80% they are throwing away in doing that! If you will focus on building up your husband for that 80% and focus on his STRENGTHS (rather than focusing on the 20% & weaknesses….nagging, trying to change him, etc.), you will both be SO much happier. Be content with what you have. It’s all about your attitude and perspective…think about what you are choosing to focus on. If you are constantly telling him things he is doing wrong and things you wish he’d change or do differently, you are tearing him down. It may help to write out all the things you love about your husband. If you don’t have a very long list, maybe you should blame that on the person in the mirror. After all, you’re the one who married him, right?
9. Strive to please him.
This is tough for us girls too. We tend to be self-centered and are more concerned about if our husbands are "meeting our needs." We think we ‘deserve’ so many things. Imagine how happy it would make your husband if you tried to cook meals he likes, talk about and take interest in things that interest him, and do things with him that he likes to do. He would probably be tickled to death!! Yes, you may HATE watching basketball, but that’s not the point. The point is the man you love loves watching it. When you are willing to sacrifice with the small things like that, I truly believe that helps his love grow deeper for you and it will return tenfold in some way. This also means taking care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, and try to dress up for him sometimes. No, I’m not saying you have to be a little trophy wife, but if you take care of yourself, you’ll feel more confident and desirable, and you will both benefit from that. Lots of women “let themselves go” after getting married and having kids. (I know, lots of husbands do that too…I don’t think that’s okay for them either). I want to take care of myself for Jonathan.
10. Cover him in prayer.
We should pray for our husband every.single.day. No excuses, ever. He NEEDS your prayer. Think again about his role as the head of the household. Since marriage is so sacred to God, you know the enemy is going to be constantly trying to attack, which means our husband is constantly battling spiritual warfare. He needs for you to cover him in prayer daily to help him stay strong. Pray for his thoughts, his mind, his attitude, his relationship with the Lord, etc. If there is something you would like to see change in your husband, start asking God to do a work in his life. Prayer is POWERFUL. I take my role in praying for Jonathan very seriously and I make sure he knows that.
![562707_739294276692_2074522603_n[1]](http://lh6.ggpht.com/-vzazWyr3pds/T_FvnE8g_rI/AAAAAAAAJgw/ZHOlCiGLoWo/s1600-h/562707_739294276692_2074522603_n%25255B1%25255D%25255B4%25255D.jpg "562707_739294276692_2074522603_n[1]")
I truly believe if we focus on being the BEST wives we can be for our husbands, God will honor that and your husband will step his game up as well. Even if he doesn’t, our goal should be to live a life that is holy and pleasing to the Lord. If nothing else, do it out of obedience to Him.
Praying the Lord will bless you in your marriage.
Any advice you’d like to share?
Anything you’ve learned about being a Godly wife??
687 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 687 Newer› Newest»This is a great article! However I do I agree with u Mike. Everything Danielle said can be applied to a husband as well. In my husband's and my married, we share roles. Together we protect our family, raise our children, financially support our family. We are 100% resposible to each other..we are completely equal this is the way God wants it. Thanks Danielle for the great article.
This post is absolutely perfect! I am going to try and make it a goal to read through this often so I can remind myself how to be an excellent Godly girlfriend/wife. Did you ever post the one that Jonathan wrote? I would love to see that one as well!
WOW, WOW, WOW! Thank you So much for this! I want to print it out and hang it on my mirror :)
I am so excited that you just put it all out there.This is a true inspiration. I too am healing from an attack from the Devil. I was really strong with my faith, then this happened and my husband and myself both agree that we were miserable before. God had a plan for us. I know that Good keeps me sane as I am not dependent on my husband to make me happy. I am at peace knowing that God had given me the man I need and I am what he needs. We lost track along the way and we are more in love now than we were when we met.
I never liked submission either. I was a single parent for 10 years. I wad never going to submit to ANY man not even God. the day I found out about the affair I wad so crushed I ran outside and prayed out loud ( very loud) that Good needed to pick me up and make me whole again. If I was going to breathe then he would make it so. This didn't change me it changed my husband out made him look to God and he has made amends to me everyday. I couldn't be happier about all of these "rules" to follow. I thank you again for showing me that it is possible to be a Godly wife. God First, Husband second and then you are on your way.
I found your post edifying, even though I have some personal philosophical differences (I am not, in fact, a christian). I feel many aspects of a healthy marriage are absolute, regardless of religion or cast. I wonder though if you could have touched on the great responsibility that 'being a godly wife' bestows on your husnabd? In this I mean, if you entrust yourself wholly to your husband it is their responsibility to be your ultimate protector, both physically and emotionally. I feel so often today that many men expect their wives to exhibit such behavior as outlined in your blog, but then take it for granted, or worse abuse it. Perhaps your husband has a blog on 'being a godly husband'?
I think this post is wonderful! I have been married to my husband for just over 10 years and we have two beautiful children. These are Biblical truths for us to use as a guide, a road map, and a compass for our daily lives. These are instructions from God! I will be the first to admit that it is hard to live up to these truths on a daily basis and we ALL fall short in one way or another. But we are blessed that we serve a loving, forgiving, and compassionate God. He knows that we are all born as sinful creatures. Not a single one of us is perfect or without sin and yet He loves us anyway. These truths given to us by God are designed to help us, not hurt us. We should STRIVE to be all that we can be for God. He knows that we will fail at times, but gives us grace and mercy to get back up and try again. During our 10 years of marriage and two children, we have had some wonderful times and some rough times. We have argued, fought over petty things, worried over financial struggles and much more, but God has been with us each step of the way. God is still SO GOOD in the good times and bad. For those of you who mock or do not believe in God, I ask that you put aside the ideas of the world and search your heart. Take time to read the Bible. It is an old book, but it's words are alive and thriving today. I have never met a sinner who has been SAVED by the grace of God who decided later on that they no longer needed God. No one has ever asked the Lord to undo the work that He does in their heart. The lady who wrote this post is not trying to tell people what to do or how to live. She is stating scriptural truths designed to better our relationship with God. It doesn't matter if you are married 10 days, 10 years, or 50 years, these are wonderful, biblical truths for which to try to live by daily.
I so enjoyed reading your post; although i am not married yet, it made me so excited for my future, and i found myself thinking i could start a lot of these tips right now with my current boyfriend.
I'm curious if you ended up ever posting your husbands words as i am new to your site and haven't had time to look?! Please share! :)
I had seen a few of these posts on pinterest and I decided to try to read one just to see what it said. I was absolutely appalled to read this advice for young women. This type of advice takes away a woman's voice and right to exert some control over her married life. I am not married, but this is not the type of relationship I would want to be in as a wife. I am a very independent woman, as are many young women in this country, and to take away that sense of independence would be crippling to who I am as a person. I firmly believe that a healthy relationship builds you up as a person and makes you a better you. Your partner should challenge you to become a better person just as you should challenge your partner. Without growth from both sides the relationship becomes stale and unsatisfying for both people involved. By putting one of the people involved in the relationship as a subordinate to the other, the subordinate's growth within the relationship is stunted.
People have different strengths. Sometimes one person is better at managing the "household" while the other is a stronger leader and those qualities might not always fall within the traditional gender roles. This doesn't mean that a relationship in which this swap of traditional gender roles occurs will automatically fail.
A healthy relationship values both partners as equals and no one is considered subordinate to the other.
On another note, if you're interested in integrating scripture into marriage counseling, I would love to hear your plan on how you will implementing these parts of scripture into your married life.
"If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay 50 pieces of silver to her father."-Deuteronomy 22:28
"I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." - 1 Timothy 2:12 "Show no mercy, have no pity! Kill them all - old and young, girls and women and little children." - Ezekiel 9:5
"When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again." - Exodus 21:7 http://thisisourenaissance.tumblr.com/post/54874579136/little-lionman-thispleasesmorbo
I actually think it is a great idea that a young marriage gives some counseling, as the first 1-3 years can be VERY difficult. They are counseling a NEW marriage (or to-be marriage). How do we know their pastor didn't also ask a more matured marriage to counsel as well? Whether you are married for 2 years or 25 years there is definitely wisdom that can be taken from both.
I'm so glad I found this post on Pinterest! My sister is getting married in 3 weeks, and I shared it with her as well. I'm in a serious relationship and I plan to heed your advice and remember it when I get married. Thank you so much for an inspiring post! I keep it saved to my bookmarks in case I need a reminder here and there!
I have to somewhat agree with Rachel. Everything you stated is great, but only works if both spouses stay on board. What happens when the husband decides he doesn't want or care about being the spiritual leader, puts his dreams and wants above his family's, and neglects his wife and kids emotionally and physically? I hope that the writer of this blog is able to have the type of marriage she describes for the rest of her life; I remember feeling the same way at that point in my marriage before the kids, hardships and disappointments came. I have always been a very hopeful Christian woman, and I like to think that I still am, but after so many years, it is hard to be optimistic. I have always believed that divorce is not an option, and am still married to my husband, but I have to admit, it has been an extremely difficult and lonely road. My faith in God has been the only thing that keeps me going.
Awesome blog. This is exactly what I needed to see at this point in my marriage. And I just came across it by chance ~ another example of The Lord working in mysterious ways! I would like to read your husbands advice. Where can I find that on your blog? I looked trough July and Augusts posts but couldn't find anything?!?! Thank you again for sharing your faith and wisdom.
Such great things to be reminded of. I got all teary eyes and laughed, so I would say you did an excellent job! I know I fall short, but I am always striving to be a godly wife. Thank you for the reminder!
This is a great post! It was very encouraging and I think every wife can benefit from reading it. I know I did! God bless you and your marriage! :)
This was such a beautiful post on marriage! I definitely benefited from it. I think every wife would benefit from it. It definitely has opened my eyes to being reminded of the biblical perspective of being a wife and the areas I need to grow in and work on. Thank you for this! May God only continue to bless you and your marriage for HIS kingdom! :)
This was an interesting article and I'd agree with most of it. My husband and I both put our daughter first and each other second. We spent 8 months trying for a baby. I begged and pleaded with God to let me have a baby. When I finally got pregnant I told God that if he gave me a little girl that I would never ask for another one. After a horrific 33 week pregnancy and my daughter born 7 weeks early with no problems I have not asked for another child and its been over 3yrs. We put her first because we promised God that we would. Her name, Gabrielle, also means "The Angel of God". I believe if you set your priorities straight then you'll have an amazing marriage!
Excellent, incredible response. I agree with you whole-heartedly. I hope I can raise my children to be as strong. Thank you!
I think some of the best advice is love is a CHOICE. We live in a culture where "falling in love" is in every movie, bestseller, etc. I'm not saying falling in love is a bad thing. As much as "falling in love" is easy, it's even easier to fall OUT of love when things get tough. That's why love is a choice. Please don't rush your own love story. Hollywood love stories are written by hired scriptwriters; yours is written by God. I have this amazing quote that I make myself remember: "Run as fast as you can towards Jesus and marrry the man that can keep up with you."
Thanks for the uplifting article, Danielle! It truly was a blessing to me.
Really enjoyed this! Thanks! Did you ever post Jonathans response?
is there any advise you would have on dating?
Wow this is absolutely beautiful & true! Thank u Danielle for sharing this it makes me love & respect my husband even more so god bless...
I really loved this, and found it very helpful. Thank you!
This post is very sexist and promotes an unhealthy gender dichotomy that is detrimental to our society and us as women.
Thank you so much for this. I hope that more women read this. I am blessed to have an amazing relationship with my soon to be husband. I can only hope I can be the best wife I can be to him. I will definatly use this. Thank you.
I don't believe God gave me life to let someone else run for me nor did He give me a brain to NOT use. I'm a person. I'm an intelligent and capable person. God made me this way. If my husband is about to make a really stupid decision(which he does a lot... he's human), I'm going to tell him. It makes me laugh out loud to sit here and think about how catastrophic some things would be if left up to him. lol!!! Furthermore, I have a LOT to contribute to our family in every aspect. I love my brain. It's my best quality and I intend to use it. But I also have a good heart. I do agree that society ought to be more serious about marriage and we should turn to God for everything. However, the bible is a guideline for the way we live. It was written thousands of years ago and has been translated. I think it is up to us to be smart about the way we read and interpret things. Do you really think God wants you to live your life for another human? It is my opinion that we are to live this life together for Him. And the ingredients for a happy marriage aren't all that complex... a whole lot of love, patience, respect, understanding, honesty, and humor. It's just reminding yourself when things get hard to be respectful (from both sides!). The common goal is to have a happy and honest life.
Thank you thank you for this reminder!!!
Hey there. I enjoyed reading your post and think your advice will be beneficial. Thanks.
Love this post!!!! I love how you explain your reasoning! At some points I wasn't sure if I was going to agree and then once I read your explanation I thought you hit the nail on the head. GREAT job! GREAT article!
I absolutely love your post. Being a Godly wife is such a huge thing for men. We live in a very corrupt world where marriage is taken lightly. Thank you for your wise and encouraging words, I have shared this post with my friends, thank you!
Great post, but it shouldn't be considered blanket advice for all couples. If the husband doesn't follow God, all this advice can't apply. If my serving the Lord causes husband to mock my beliefs, I certainly cannot submit to him or allow him to lead the family.
I realize this advice was in a Christian setting, but it should be prefaced in the blog "for Christian couples only."
Beautiful! Thanks :)
Great Post!!! I loved it because it was based on biblical principals. They WORK!! My husband and I have been married for over fifty years. We have five children, 20 Grandchildren and so far five Great Grandchildren. We have been greatly blessed!! Not because we have always done everything perfectly right but when we married it was FOREVER! We stayed in Church and God was first. It was only when we got our "roles" as husband and wife out of line, that we had any problems at all. I have loved my life and would not trade it. The love and joy that I have known, I would never trade. We have had our up and downs but God has always been there for us and as we let Him lead, we were always brought back into the way we were meant to go. Without the Lord, it would have been impossible to have lived the life we have. I married my husband when I was eighteen years old and he was twenty one. We have had a wonderful life together as "One". We still get a thrill when we see each other across a crowded room. When he is gone, a part of me is missing. Material things, we have not had many but love was in abundance. Forgiveness is a very big part of having a good marriage. When he needed it, I gave it. When I needed it, he gave it. How could we not when God so freely gave it to each of us. I can honestly say that I love my husband so much that what I felt for him on our wedding day was as nothing.....and on that day, I felt that I loved him more than any man could be loved. It is those things that we go through that make that bond all the stronger. I know that one day, maybe soon, one of us will no longer be here on this earth but I will thank God for the time we have had together as husband and wife. The greatest blessing in life!! connie McEntire
Love this blog!
I consider myself a Christian. But I do not agree with this at all. My children would come before my husband, always. I don't think I should always try to please my husband. I don't believe I have to. I find this post old fashioned and I just lost a little faith in the progress in feminism.
I've been married for two years and they have been the worst years of both mine and my partner's lives.
Our 'honeymoon happiness' stage was over before we even got married.
From reading all the comments on here, it's mostly wives who are responding. I find it heart breaking to see so many women thinking their marriage problems are their fault. All the problems in my marriage are the result of my husband's mistakes and stupid decisions out of selfishness.
The husband sets the tone for the home. At my wedding our reverend told us that the wife can only do her part properly i.e. 'submission' when the husband is doing his job properly -- "husbands love your wives." A wife cannot "submit" to a husband unless he is loving her in the way she must be loved. My theory is, if he treats me like a princess, i'll treat him like a king…and i think all women need this, and want this.
Don't be too hard on yourselves ladies…if you find it hard to do teamwork with your man, it's because he's not loving you properly. Ephesians!
Thank you immensly for sharing this. I am 15 years younger than my husband, with that being said, he is the ONLY man who lovingly and without any pressure from me (that's the God's honest truth) wanted to become a Catholic and practice my faith we me. He has no children, and was aware that I was no longer able to give him any of his own, and I have 10 grand kids, (4 kids of my own) and he accepted that about me as well. We are now raising 2 of our grandkids, and they call him Daddy (they have known him for almost 3 years; Chris met him at age 1, and Serenity was 6 months when he came into our lives) in the beginning they called him Bri Bri (his name is Brian) and when we took them into our home (my daughter abandoned them) Out of now where they themselves just started calling him Dad!! He loves it!! He has provided for them, and neither one of us can even imagine life without him. Before me, Brian was very very lost, into drugs and alcohol, and his parents say I'm an answered prayer, they say I saved their son's life. 2 of his best friends have passed away (drug abuse) and they just knew that he was next, until he met me, and they met me. This was all God's doing. We are not perfect by no means, but we do pray always together and when we are away from each other. I have never had a man love me so much. and make me feel so beautiful and wonderful everyday. All praise to God, and to our Faith in Our Lord >3
Loved this post! I'm not married yet but plan to be in the next year or so. I agree with everything you said!
Dear Danielle,
I wanted to tell you what a beautifully written message about marriage that was. Todays young girls and women need good role models in their life and need to hear what God's word says about marriage, also how to be a godly wife. Marriage like raising children does not come with instructions. We learn from how we were raised or from what tv and media tells or shows us or others in our life. Unfortunately from these ways there is not always a good outcome or are the best things to learn from. The only and the very best instructions we have in this life is The BIBLE-GOD's Word, NOT man's word from all the other sources. Danielle you did an amazing task of displaying how we should quite ourselves and listen to God's word which absolutely tells us to put GOD First and husbands second and children next and then family and church and then friends, others, last ourselves. Mark 10:35. Once again Great job.
In Christian Love
God Bless your heart
The best marriage advice I have ever gotten is : The beam is not in your partners eye....it is in yours.-- This helped me stop seeing him as the one always being faulty and helped me take a good look at myself and how I treated him!
Your "God" and my God are not the same.
I pray that god see's the time and effort you put into this post as a way to guide others. Thank you for the inspiration and strong words. God Bless you and your husband!
You're kidding me right? The post is ridiculous on so many levels.
Um, yeah, your theology is bad, and you should feel bad
Praying for grace and forgiveness!
What if your husband doesn't believe in God or want to be the head of the household??? Struggling....
That's a good idea!!
I too needed to hear this. Thank you for posting this. This is my answer to a prayer!!
We are getting married in October. Thank you for this post, it is something that I needed to read prior to the "bid day".
I feel like this set women back a good 50 years...
Yes...been there! Already divorced.
we have been married 28 years. The encouragement is great. There is one thing I would add in keeping God first and Husband second. A real, solid relationship with the Lord is important in order to keep God first, otherwise we are always looking at our husband to be and fill the place only Jesus can. Leaving him discouraged and defeated and the wife disappointed because Husband is not God.
I truly appreciate this post! I will be getting married to my Fiance in 87 days (haha - Yes, I am counting!!) and have been struggling to clearly identify the role I will have in my upcoming marriage. As I read each of you the points you list above, I found that this is EXACTLY what I have been trying to communicate this whole time. Your tone is modern to reach the young crowd, yet each of your points are true to the word. Thank you!
as i sat and read your post, i was overwhelmed...not by anything "new" you said but so blessed to know that someone else "gets it"...my life motto has and always will be the "pyramid"...God first, husband second and kids last...didnt bother to read others comments but know this young lady...you have blessed my heart...so thankful for God's word and teachings and how He uses all of us in His time...blessings to you and your family!
Mike, I love, love you! I have never understood why so many think us as Christian women should never voice our concerns to our husbands....we should sit by while he spends all our money, goes to bars or whatever, certainly there is an appropriate way to do that with love and humility. Lots of forgiveness is key to a lasting marriage, anyway, I truly appreciated your comment.
LOVE THIS!! THis is excellent for all as you stated before.
It's really amazing how God works! I've been studying Ephesians and about how to submit to God and my future husband. And it just blows my mind how God let me run across this post. This has really helped me understand what God expects from me! Thank you so much for having the boldness to post about Biblical marriage, and thank you for being a Godly wife in a society where they are scorned so much.
I respect your post, just know that. My parents fell into a similar situation. They were two Godly people, great Christians, putting God first, etc. (everything you said). I know that the situation you were in was very difficult and heart-wrenching, and you reacted the best way you knew how, because that's what my Momma did. So I understand. But there was one thing that gave me a huge concern as I read this post. In the first paragraph, it's all about how much YOU did and how you found your identity in your husband. The Word of God teaches that our identity is found in HIM. We, as women, should not depend on our husbands first. Just like this post said, we should depend on GOD first. When we place God first and understand the relationship with the LORD, we will know that God made us: "We are fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139:14. Just like you said, we need confidence in ourselves, and to do that we don't need SELF-confidence, but GOD-confidence. This is a confidence that GOD has a plan and things will always work out for our good for those who follow the LORD (Jeremiah 29:11,Romans 8:28). I want you to know the God desires a relationship with you so much, that He let your sins be paid for in death by HIS only SON. I'm sure you already know this, but God is PURSUING you. You have said a whole lot of really good things on this post, I really want you to know that. And if you have forsaken your belief in the LORD, I plead that you find Jesus. Because I would like to meet you one day in heaven, and if you aren't there, it would be crushing. And when I say I will pray for you, I'm not judging you, I'm not condemning you. I just want you to know that my prayer for you is that God would draw your heart closer to Him.
All confidence in God's unfailing power,
A Child of the One True KING
I think your comment might be directed at my story. And I appreciate your concern. But I wholeheartedly maintain that I must be self sufficient. Not god, not a husband, not even my kids can do it for me. I have to be strong for ME. I am the only one who can do it. Then I can do what I must do for my kids. Yes, I lost my identity in my husband and that sucked. I hope no one else ever has to hear a crying 6 year old ask "Why wouldn't you just forgive daddy and let him come home?" He didn't want to come home. He didn't want us. I could have been the supportive wife all day long but he didn't want us. I prayed all day long and that didn't work. So I tried to be completely dependent on god because maybe this was a "lesson". I had nothing. I was nothing. The best thing that ever happened to me was when I realized that god didn't abandon me. I realized that there just isn't one. It was the scariest thing I ever realized in my life but it made sense suddenly and it gave me peace. And that is OK. Then I was able to find all kinds of strength and power being me. I pulled it together because I am strong and I am worth it and my kids are worth it. My kids are ahead of any other relationship in my life. When my husband left, my kids were still there. And I am now rectifying all the years that I put them in a backseat to him. Your passion to "save" me is just as fervent as my passion to shed light on what I believe is a scary, damaging, and dangerous world view. LADIES you are ok just being YOU. Don't pray away your youth for a man just because you want a husband. A real man will want to be around you because you are strong and confident and challenging. You will be an equal partner. Maybe you marry him or maybe you don't. YOU are still YOU. If you choose to worship a god then you will be able to do so with or without a husband. Does your worship somehow undergo a change once married? Is your worship prior to being under his headship less valid? When you find yourself no longer married does your worship return to a less valid state? Women are not to be under authority of man. I take that a step farther and say I am not under authority of a deity either. I AM accountable to me and my kids and my community. I take responsibility for being kind, moral, loving, and productive. If I make a decision good or bad, I don't pass it off to a husband for final supreme authority. If my girls never want to marry, they are still just as valid. All the posts from young women who can't wait to be married and submit and live these idealistic lives are really frightening. I want my daughters to grow, experience, think, live, succeed, fail, and IF a partner or spouse comes along on that journey that's great. But they are who they are all on their own. Their strength comes from them. Bible verses are well intentioned but I know them all. I know all the words and the phrases and the jargon and rhetoric. Remember I used to teach marriage classes that outlined this exact marital definition! I have not forsaken or denied god. I'm not angry at god. It's hard to be angry at something that isn't there. Which brings me full circle. I can't give credit to something that isn't there, or blame something that isn't there, or draw strength from something that isn't there. I draw it from ME. We get one life just the one time and its short. Make it the very best you can.
this is awesome and maybe something i needed at the moment. What advice can anyone give me when it comes to the tv and what show your watching. Here is our problem i love watching reality tv, teen mom,guilliana and bill, food reality shows ect. i used to watch the kardashian but have dumped that show due to my husband getting upset over it. I never make him watch the show. I tend to watch my shows while he is reading and has his earplugs in. it is he who will glance up and off the bat have something negative to say about the show. we get into the arguing where he says this show is trash and what not. I respond with its only entertainment for me. I dont go out and try to mimic these people nor do i get advice from the show. i tell just like you like your comic stuff and when you watch i dont give you grief about it. why cant you do the same for me. My question would be should i quit watching my shows, but then again almost everything out there is a reality show. Or how can i get him to understand my point of view and be willing to comprimise.
I absolutely love this post! Danielle you have summed up the perfect example of marriage. My parents have been married for over 30 years, and everything you listed my parents have challenged themselves to do for 30 years. Yes problems do arise, they are currently remodeling, and that is actually one of the number one reasons in the States for couples to get a divorce, because there is so much controversy. I just read your comment Rachel ( in case you ever read mine) yes Danielle and her husband have only been married a short while but she has some golden advice. And yes her "list" so to speak does work. Everything she talked about isn't new to me, because I have seen it growing up for the past 21 years. God is the center of my parents marriage, and He is the reason that they have been together so long! Marriage should be more optimistic! But in today's world women and men both just use the back door a.k.a. Divorce. and it tears up not only the relationship of husband and wife but the children (if they have any) I have seen what divorce can do ( a friend of mine) and it is an ugly thing. Divorce is so high today because there is so much competition between couples. I have a friend who strongly resents the whole marriage process at this point in her life (she has never been married) but when you ask her about marriage she always replies like this "I want to marry a man that will meet me half way. If he wants me to make him a sandwich he by damn better help me make it" lol he might as well make it himself in my opinion. So kudos to you Danielle for being so Optimistic! Always keep that shine with you! You should maybe consider being a marriage counselor. You would be Really good at it!!!!
Thanks for Sharing!
What a wonderful post! I've been married 14 years and have 3 girls, and I needed to be reminded of the things you listed. Sometimes when you've been married a long time, reminders of these things are great. Thank you for refreshing my mind!
Susan H.
Here, here!
Thank you for this.
That's nuts.. Sounds like being a slave for men.. And they are able to do things for themselves without women worshiping them. You are nuts
I must agree with a few people on experience but time doesn't matter for experience and neither does marriage. If you love someone enough marriage is just to celebrate with others. I have been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half and i already Know that i want to be with him forever. We have a beautiful daughter who i was pregnant with when we started dating and now we have our own place. Weve been through a lot financially and we still struggle. But thats how we know we're in love. We are always happy or finding a way to make the other one happy after a hard day. Its not time that brings experience though. It's life
I love when people criticize others for being stupid, yet have a number of grammatical errors in their own comments. You have a comma where you should have a colon, a missing comma, a misused comma, a misused word, and a fragmented sentence. You also do not gain entrance to a college education; you gain entrance to college and earn as much education as you put forth the effort to earn. But I'm guessing articulation is not the point of your comment. You are speaking to the "old fashioned" values of her beliefs and I find that entertaining. Of the two writings, which one do you think does more benefit to our society: her uplifting message, or your degrading words? I have nothing personal against you (other than your slaughtering of the English language, hidden under the guise of intellectualism), but if I had to pick which kind of person I would like to spend time with, hands-down I would choose the kinder speaking person....
God doesn't call the qualified, he Qualifies the called. :)
I loved your post! I will be sharing with friends!
This is so beautiful. I absolutely admire you for this!
This awful advice is what gets women into abusive relationships.
Is this for real or a joke? Because as far as I'm concerned, no woman should ever "submit" to any man. That is incredibly sexist and wrong. And it is not a woman's duty to "manage the household". How are women supposed to succeed in society with these views and believing they aren't equals to men?
However, the whole "God armor" for the men to "protect the household while the woman prays" was quite comical.
Heed this advice and end in divorce! This lady is such an idiot.
WHAT AN IDIOT.
Worst advice i have ever heard in my entire life.
My guess would be that she either has A. never been to college B. does not have a good job C. is a stay-at-home wife or D. all of the above.
Perhaps if you had a little more self-respect and morals, you would not be a single, teenage mother.
To all of you who think this is a biblically based marriage, you must not read your bible at all. The bible treats women as cattle and a traditional biblical marriage is one man and one woman and another woman, and a concubine, and as many women as "God" wants to give the man as a reward of being "godly and faithful". (i.e King David) Remember how Lot offered his daughters up to be raped by his village and then actually had sex with his daughters??? Remember in the bible, if a man rapes a woman, he merely pays his father a fine and then must marry her. ( Ahh another example of biblically based marriage. I refuse to perpetuate that kind of mysogeny and find that articles like this only serve to further abuse and perpetuate the abuse of women. Shame on you. It sickens me that people use religion like this to control others. Women if you are in a bad marriage, if you are being abused...get out, there is no amount of cooking or cleaning or praying that is going to help. Get out. Get out now. Prayer has absolutely no efficacy in abusive relationships. Women need to stand up against this idea of being subservient.. this is such a gateway for abuse. Women, you will never be able to follow all of these marriage guidelines as they are truly unattainable. You will always fall short and feel badly about yourself.. that is what they are here for.
I LOVE this! Thank you for sharing! I, too, strive to teach Christian women to be the wives God desires them to be. The need is so very great. I know God will use you to bless many other wives and marriages. Thank you for sharing God's beautiful design for wives. I know it doesn't make sense to the world but obeying Ephesians 5 truly does bring life, peace, joy, protection, freedom and strength.
May God richly bless your walk with Christ and your marriage and ministry! I know it is not easy to stand for God today. But there is such a famine of the truth of His Word. I believe you are part of the answer to my many prayers for God to raise up many women to embrace Him, serve Jesus wholeheartedly and demonstrate to other women what it means to be a godly wife. I pray that our generation will rise up to become a godly generation - to leave our children God's blessing.
www.peacefulwife.com
I agree with every single word!! A lot of our friends (and even some family) always say they want what my husband and I have. If they read this and followed it they would have it.
3 days or 3 years, it doesn't matter. If God calls you to serve in any capacity then you serve. Pride is thinking that a third year marriage cannot possibly be used by The Lord in the capacity that "veterans" can. Thank you for taking the time to share this. I really hope this makes an impact on wives and wives to be.
Wow, that's what you got out of her advice! NOT impressive! Most cowards do not want to be identified! You are sad! Cowards are an embarrassment to our country!
This was such an amazing post!!! I am learning that building your husband up is a key to getting into his heart!! I love everything you posted here and it is so very helpful, I will be coming back to stay in touch!!! Thanks so much!!
Excellent post!!! I love all of the points you brought up!!! Our world is so against us when it comes to marriage and family and for that matter God! I am a firm believer in our Lord and Savior and I will "fight" society for Him, my marriage and family!!! Thanks for sharing...I will be back!! Blessings!!!
I agree that these are all good things to strive for, however, this is an unrealistic view of marriage. Marriage is hard work, on BOTH parties. A good marriage takes a great wife but also a great husband. Not all of the pressure needs to be on the woman to create this euphoric atmosphere. Married people fight, we say things that we know we shouldn't and don't even really mean. It can be messy, feelings get hurt and yes, women talk about their husbands. We make mistakes and then we learn from them.
The hardest part of our marriage was learning how to sit down and talking about a fight without a) starting it back up and b)pointing fingers. As a wife, you are not going to do everything right all the time but that means that there is room for improvement. We eventually learned how to go back and figure out what had caused the argument in the first place and fix it. One of the hardest things for me was learning how to look at what I had done, instead of wallowing in self pity. I spent quite a bit of time asking God why I had ended up where I was. It came to me one day, maybe it was partly because of something I had done/said.
This idea of children being last is sad to me. You can look at several examples of parents in the bible and at no point was the child #3. Mary and Joseph: it was not an easy situation for Joseph, he asked for God's advice. At no point did Mary ask for Joseph's opinion, approval or acceptance. Jesus came before Joseph. (I'm not saying a mother and father shouldn't parent together because I think that is the only way to raise a child, just making a point here) The bible doesn't even mention a man in regards to Rachel. Look at Elizabeth, the emphasis was clearly on the child. Children are miracles from God and I cannot imagine taking that so lightly. I honestly feel sorry for the child who's mother feels that she is only a part of their life temporarily. God didn't taking choosing mothers lightly in the bible days and he still doesn't. You are a mother forever, not just while your children live at home. Your godly duty to your children is also forever.
We need to pray for our husbands, stand behind them, and be faithful, I totally agree. But if you are making yourself feel terrible for failing and giving in on everything, you will never be happy and it will lead to resentment. Compromise is a wonderful thing. Both parties feel valued, instead of just one. Remember it is OK to mess up, if you let them, mistakes can even make you a better wife and person. Not all of us are perfect.
I've been married for a little over a month now. Before I got married my aunt gave me lots of good advice and she also warned me that Satan loves to attack marriages and his game is to ruin them. I didn't know that Satan would start working so quick with such force. Now don't get me wrong I'm glad I married and we both know we love each other but we've had some intense difficulties in only a month. Reading this made me see myself a lot better, in which areas I could be doing a lot to make things work better. I was also again reminded of something my aunt told me. She said "you can either make your man or break your man". Now I see what she was talking about. We as Godly woman have so much more power than we often realize. I wish I could learn to use my "Godly power" as my husbands wife for God's glory and just lift my husband up instead of tearing him down so often. I hope to one day truly understand my power and use it wisely. Thank you for this blog. It has encouraged me a lot to keep on striving to be an encouraging life giving wife!!
Good advice to newly weds(men and women should put each other first! Its a good way to start a marriage. After kids though; kids should come first for both of you! No exceptions! I have been married for 19 years with two kids and have a great marriage!
After 28 years of marriage, I am still learning. I am thankful to have read your post. May God bless and strengthen you in your marriage and as you mentor others. The most helpful sentence in your post for me was "if he isn't fulfilling his role, that's between him and God. It's not our role to correct him."(paraphrased)
Thank you for this post! This is just what I needed to read.
Your views are insightful and appreciated but it's just not for some people I suppose.
I think you two women should read what God says about marriage and the roles of both husbands and wives for yourselves. To many of us say we are followers of Christ but we pick and choose what parts of the bible work for our lives. Most of what she says about marriage seems like common scene to me, I think people have a problem with the submitting part. Of course you don't understand her post, how can you submit to your husbands if you cannot submit to God?
I am not submissive by nature. I am stubborn and strong willed, the problem is, so is my husband. It is not easy but I submit to my husband (most of the time) but I actually married a godly man whom I trust and respect. I always give my input and opinions but if we do not agree I ultimately "submit" and allow my husband to take the lead. He wants to be a good husband, father and provider, so I know if he is making a decision he truly believes it is what is best for our family. And if he makes a mistake it effects him the most, however I am there to comfort and encourage him so he has the confidence to continue to lead our family. For men who live by this principle it can be challenging because the responsibility falls on their shoulders, and that is why they need supportive loving wives. There is true wisdom in this design, but I guess you can't see it unless you are living it.
You can see so much hurt and pain in your response. I too, have been cheated on, and left by a husband. It is disillusioning and heart breaking to the point that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It leaves you floundering for your identity- there is no doubt. I came to see my value IN CHRIST. He loves me so much-- it was that value that I was always missing. Once you have that, you are not a slave to church, or other people's opinions of you. It is what He wants for His daughters. We REST in His love and then we are free to love others, wholeheartedly.
I am also teaching my nieces, and young women in my ministry to wait on God's timing for a mate-- and in the meantime, keep living and choosing what He has planned for them. Marriage does not define you, as a person. But if you choose it, each and every one of these points can only make your foundations stronger. I waited 10 years to watch a friend that I knew in church- traveled and did missions trips and service opportunities with, become my real husband-- my lasting bond and covenant. Could we have survived without each other? Yes. But the point of entering into marriage, for me, was to do something to glorify God with my life, as a team, that I couldn't do as a single woman. That was all I wanted, when I prayed. To say that it is all about you, is to build up a wall between you and anyone who can hurt you-- but in doing that you protect yourself from anyone who can know your frailties, like a husband, and love you dearly anyway. In order to ALLOW my husband to love me, I had to let go of the pain of 'self preservation'. I had to trust in God's plan to "prosper me and not to harm me." It is good to look at our culpabilities in our affair scarred marriages. But in the end, we have to ask forgiveness for our part, and move on. And we have to accept that other people's sins affect us. We don't have to stay in that place. Long marriage is a rarity. And, for the ones that are truly made in heaven-- that are waited on, and prayed over, and yielded to, it is a spectacle to behold. I'm glad you have a new marriage. But if you have that at the cost of your relationship with God, it is for nothing.
I appreciate your sincerity, but it is incredibly condescending to think that your world view is the best and only option. I've lived with both feet fully planted in both sides at different times. I don't need converting or saving. I am in charge of me.
Amen! That's a hard one to hit. Good job. :)
I don't think they contradict with each other, rather, they compliment each other. There is no reason anyone else needs to know about all of your husband's faults. If there is a problem, yeah, exactly, it needs to be communicated. With your husband. Not with anyone else.
awesome post...hubby and I teach a young married's class at our church. I may borrow some of your points. you spoke them so well. thanks for this! never stop dating! :)
This is a wonderful article and I commend the women who abide by this. But hypocritical for the ones that post it to their walls and boards who have already committed cardinal sins of adultery and coveted other women's husbands.
I think this is the most honest and intelligent reply to this post that someone could make.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! The way that you articulated your thoughts was compelling and thought provoking. Thank you for sharing these Biblical principles for being a Godly wife. May God bless you.
I'm not technically married yet but your post has my eyes open to some things i do now that could use some changing. I literally just sent him a "thank you" text for getting up early to go to work. I am guilty of beinga nagger and the first one to say "i do more than you" it's not nice of me. But your tenbetter godly wife post has made me want to change and be better to him. So thank you :-)
thank you for reminding me to pray for our partner every single day with no excuses!
Did you ever get to post about what Johnathan said? Loved your posting by the way;)
Wow! So many cynical people making comments. She did not outline a magical way to protect your marriage from trials and divorce people. She just merely shared what the Word says about being a Godly wife. She does her part and prays her husband does what he can to be a Godly husband. There are no guarantees in this life. There should be no blame on God if her marriage (or anyone els's) fails. If your marriage doesn't/didn't work out its because of the two people in it and how much they've allowed God to be apart of it. I've been with my husband for 14 years. We've been married 12. We have 3 children. We've been through deployments, deaths in the family, sicknesses, selfishness, financial problems, and on and on...At the end of the day and beyond all of the ugly in this world we are still best friends, we love each other, we try to make each other happy, but most importantly God comes FIRST. Marriage is not easy and it is not a fairytale, HOWEVER, when 2 people love another and follow the word of God they are capable of developing a fulfilling and blessed relationship. God bless you Danielle. I pray you continue to use the Word, prayer, and God's unconditional love to spread His wonderful Word. May God bless you and your husband. Thank you for an amazing and inspiring post.
All good advice, but there are some things I would like to point out. Many of us have married the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Sticking it out and working to improve it is a great idea, but may not always work when the foundation was wrong in the first place. Second, a lot of men are just losers, period. Yes, I'm familiar with the verse that tells us never to call anyone worthless. Maybe they aren't worthless, just not good material for a Godly version of a husband, requiring a life time of hope, prayer and sacrifice on the part of the wife, which may or may not make any difference. A person has to want to change, and his wife cannot be responsible if he refuses.
As for me, my children were always much more important, but that is because I was never "in love" (romantically so) with him. Why did I do that? That's a really long story, but that's what happened. As for him, we took too much financial support from his family, and as a result, his mother and stepfather were always much more important to him than I was. Their opinion was just much more dear to him in every way. To make a really long story short, we were both motivated by insecurity. Not an easy thing to spot and correct. It happens unconsciously. So the foundation was just bad, bad, bad. He hadn't come from a Christian background and neither really had I, and that makes things infinitely more difficult. I know what verses you will offer in response to that also, but you know that it is so much easier when you've been raised by truly Godly parents, and we were not. One last thing, you are young and beautiful. I know something about that, too. It makes everything easier. It isn't fair, but that's the way it is. I wonder how much harder it must be for girls that just aren't that pretty?
I do not believe in organized religion but have a liberal worldly view of faith and find most enlightening religions follow very similar principals. Your blog post is LOVELY. Every piece of advice can be applied to every partner wherever your faith may lie. For example "Keep God first and Husband second" - for me Keep the understanding and knowledge of your faith first, husband second. Another is "submit" - There is always a leader. Perhaps the mother is the one who goes to work and directs the faith, then the Father is in a supportive role. This is really just saying be supportive of the roles in your family and be proud to play them. I really enjoyed the read. Thank you
This. This is something every woman needs to read. You define yourself! You are important and worthy! Excellent response, Angela.
Wow! That is a wonderful post. I am still in the dating stage but this is just a whole different mindset from the popular public opinion. Focusing on the positive 80%! That is so true!! Thanks for sharing
Are you going to post your husband's advice? I'd love to hear it! This is great by the way! It puts things in to perspective!
Beautiful post. I really needed to read this right now. Thank you for taking the time to help the wives out there who really need your insight!
Sacred Marriage completely changed my outlook of marriage and that in turned changed the wife I should be. I HIGHLY recommend it to any married couple, happy or struggling :)
"I am going to write another post with what Jonathan shared too." Where is this post? Interested to hear his side too. Thank you!
That was one of the most amazing post I have read. You are dead on, and presenting this in a world where women do not feel this applies to them. You are a beautiful example of what a wife should be for her husband. Keep continuing to inspire us all :)
The past several months I have been struggling in my relationship and honestly I was getting lost. God was truly speaking through you as I read this. God bless you and I thank you!
It's midnight and I'm still awake...again...thinking and crying about our marriage. I wandered into our office and googled 'godly wife' and clicked on the first link that popped up - your blog! Thank you for what you shared. :)We're just about to celebrate 7 years and have 2 sweet little munchkins :) My husband and I were both raised in godly homes and both sets of parents are still loving on one another and serving their Savior together. After reading your post, I can say that I had all the same wonderful, biblical teaching lovingly imparted to me for years before I even married. My mother (praise the Lord for this godly woman!) continues to share wisdom from Truth with me and I've been so grateful. Man, am I struggling, though. I will say that a few minutes before I came to the office I was planning to move across the hall to the guestroom. I'm married to a good man who desires to honor God with his life, but darn it, his work comes first and he doesn't have much left to invest in our relationship. My #1 love language is TIME. I think it's my #2 as well. I'm pretty independent and don't need much time, but I long for my man's companionship. I have become weary in doing good. It's true. I'm so tired of longing for his company and involvement and making so much effort to keep our marriage strong when it doesn't appear to be important to him. I'm so, so tired. I've had to ask myself if I'm REALLY willing to honor God by serving, loving and preferring my husband NO MATTER WHAT. I will stand before God some day for my actions as a wife to the man he entrusted to me and I will not in that moment get to point the finger and say, "BUT, you saw how my husband acted, didn't you?!" I know I will only be able to fall on my face before my Creator and praise him for his mercy on my sinful soul. It's still so hard to keep an eternal perspective day after day. It's so easy to become distracted by other peoples' actions and use that to justify not honoring God with my own. I'm just so, so weary and I long to be free. God give me strength to be an honorable woman.
THANK YOU for your take from a husband's perspective!!!! I absolutely agree with you. I am about to get married myself, and I hate when I read all of these things that a woman is supposed to do for her husband, but little to nothing of how a husband is supposed to reciprocate to his wife! I appreciate you pointing out that all of the above aspects are for wives and husbands both to follow for a successful marriage. Of course I want to do the abovementioned things to please my husband, but it is nice to know that he should be doing them for me as well
It is truly amazing to experience the ways that God communicates. This is exactly what I needed today, in more ways than one. Thanks for sharing! God bless.
That was just beautiful, I never looked at things that way.... I now have a new outlook !!
OH MY LANTA THAAAANKKK YOUUUU^^^
I am so so thankful someone was able to phrase my thoughts exactly as a perspective of a child that grew up with parents putting us kids first.
to all mothers AND fathers out there (and I genuinely and deeply adore my parents) you ultimately do a dis service when you put us before the other spouse. We are meant to leave the house to start our own lives which means when WE leave you are STILL with each other. We are temporary FULL responsibilities.
My parents put us first and even though I KNOW their hearts had the best intentions, it ultimately backfires. Yes I know life is not black and white and that every circumstance is different but now us as kids, I am figuring out on my own journey with Christ how great and wonderful his order is. My parents should have displayed this but they did not. They are not perfect and their hearts are amazing but they forgot about one another and when we left as kids...it just doesn't work. And it breaks my heart because the intent is always pure with kids but it is not the way to do it.
I was saddened as I read through the comments by some of negative, hurtful comments people have made. We live in a society of very mixed beliefs & each one of us is entitled to our own opinion. If you don't like the post, don't finish reading it & don't promote it. Attacking the writer for having her opinion & trying to help others is quite frankly wrong. Personally, I am a Christ-follower, I deliderately use that term because Christian has many interpretations. My husband & I have been married for 26 years with a lot of challenges but our best times have come through following the ideas shared in the post. I am a submitted wife to a husband who is equally submitted to God & am strengthened by my position. We live in a damaged world & can expect some difficulties, but having guidelines to follow does help, when both parties are committed.
I think the comment about "not qualified to counsel" was inappropriate as well. Just because you have been married a short time does not mean you have not faced hard ship. About 1.5 months after I got married my mom suddenly passed away. A year later my father moved in with us. Our budget is laughable. But God's word is the same, and our roles within marriage are the same, through every situation. Despite trials, my husband and I have a wonderful, loving, and fun filled marriage. It is a testimony that honoring God and His principles, like the ones stated in the article, can bring about a heavenly marriage. Perfect? No. Anything worth fighting for is never easy, but I have learned to cast every care upon God, and He has truly blessed us.
What a great post! Thank you for sharing this Danielle.
I would like to add my little comment to #3.
I can understand your thoughts on this and might add "to submit to him as he submits to the council and will of the lord". You may not agree with me but my faith has tought me that husband and wife stand as equals in righteousness.
That's all.
Sincerely,
A wife working on being better toi
I believe going into every relationship 100% trusting the man that I am with. I have been cheated on and lied to, but I feel that God was molding me to be perfect for my prince charming even with my fault. After the end of my last relationship I prayed that I would be lead down the right path and my boyfriend prayed to have the right women be brought in his life. From the first week of dating, we knew this is forever. He is my everything and I can no longer imagine my life without him.
Any suggestions on other blogs to follow, Internet sites to visit, or books to read on being a godly wife, or better wife in general?!?!
I'm 30, been married 10 years, 2 kids, I work FT, my husband is disabled and medically retired from the military. We struggle with the whole "head of the house" bc I work and he doesn't but I still do the household stuff too. Looking for ways to better communicate and connect and get the spark back. We're still in love, it's just different now, just want to make sure we stay in love and grow our love.
Wow. THAT was AMAZING!
Wow, I guess I can't consider myself godly or a Christian anymore, since I work as the primary bread winner and have no problems opening my mouth when a need isn't being met by my husband. I can't believe this was written this century. What a gargantuan step back for feminism and equality.
I'm not yet married but I cried when I read this. Thank you for being a blessing from miles away. God bless you!
first time reader here!! love. this. post. i have been married to my love for 38 years. i wake up every day thinking *what can i do to make him happy?*...he does the same!!!
I read the follow up to this post, clarification. I can't not find his rebuttal about being a Godly husband. Was that ever written? I am intrigued to read, if so, and I am hoping so!
I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now and this just opened my eyes so much. We go to church together and have done some bible studies together as well but this just truly showed me what a Godly relationship is supposed to be. Thank you for posting such amazing advice!
There seems to be two major things people are disagreeing on and this is my take on each of them
I don't know how you can say she is not qualified to counsel a couple that's going to get married. I am not married yet but soon wish to be to my loving boyfriend of two years and what shes saying is perfect for how i want to be to my future husband. I know that we will go through hardships and i am prepared to work though and try my hardest to get through them and trust that god will guide us along the way. I look at this to make myself a better wife and a better girlfriend by the way of gods will. She is simply giving advice to women on how to love and cherish your husband which, can ultimately lead to having a loving family. Every relationship has their struggles and differences. I am only nineteen, still very young, naive, and immature but i only wish that i could take this advice to heart and give all of myself to my god, my husband, and my family in the future.
As for the putting your husband before your children, i completely agree, and this is why, my parents are now getting a divorce after 19 years. After they have struggled with alcohol, drug, and gambling addictions, mistrust with each other and constantly bringing out the worst and tearing each other down. I, being the oldest of 5 had to then take responsibility for my younger siblings along the way, taking care of the things my parents lacked because they were too caught up in their own depression and anger with each other to see how to take care of their children. I became my mothers support system when my father wasn't there and my father resented me for what he thought he wasn't capable of doing. I love both of my parents unconditionally but i know that if they had taken care of themselves and their relationship, spending more time on building each other up instead of constantly thinking they could do it on their own "for their kids" i wouldn't be estranged from both of them, living on my own, and learning to support myself without the support of my family. So, i now have a choice on how to live my own life and i WILL give unconditional love to my future children, but i WILL NOT lose sight of my children's father and how important he is to me. i have seen how the other route turns out and i agree completely with putting your husband first. trust me your children will love and appreciate you a lot more and be a lot happier in the long run.
I just wanted to say thank you! I def needed that as a reminder for going forward that just is what I needed and wanted. Thank you so much again for this inspirational post!
And it appears we have a northern know-it-all whose butt plug has been shoved down the wrong anal canal. I feel for you, truly. The sad part is there is no way to get it out. Your effort to compensate for your lack of understanding is outstanding, not to mention your liberal nature conflicts with your non-ability to be open-minded. Look in the mirror, I can almost promise you will be embarrassed by the reflection.
I just found this and it is incredible.
Did you ever post one on what your husband talked about?
If so what is the link to it.
Well,Danielle may not have a lot of experience to back up her mandates, but she has Bible and that's what's most important. All of the things she listed are in the Bible and I don't know about you, but I believe in the Bible. If the Bible says it, you should act on it. And Danielle is encouraging women to act on their Biblical duties. And to be honest, if you seek God and have an active relationship with Him, He WILL show you the way and help you figure things out. And in my opinion, she isn't, "pressuring", women. She is ENCOURAGING them.
Thank you Danielle, for this amazing article that's spot-on and so encouraging =)
My name is Robert Slim i was in the US army and went to Liberia leaving my wife and two kids for 8 months when i returned my wife told me she was no longer interested in the marriage that if she could survive for 8 months without me the marriage is meaningless. Leaving home for 8 months was not easy but not having a family when i came back was more difficult. I pleaded continuously with her for 3 months. I even left the army just to convince her but all my attempt to get her back failed. My heart was totally broken when i saw my wife and my superior commander together in a Spanish bar. I still love her and need her to take care of my kids. I sent friends and family members to her but she refuse to come back home. This faithful day i was about to sign a friend guest book when i saw a post about a spell caster, at first i laughed but took the email address and phone number after 2days something inside of me just asked me to contact him so i did he asked for my information and that of my wife which i sent, he told me that my wife was under spell from superior commander because he has admired her for a very long time. he told me he has destroyed the spell and she was going to call me after 7 days. To my surprise she called my even before the 7th day elapsed and said she was wrong to have left me and said she want to come back home. I am using this medium to encourage other men and even women to contact this great spell caster for marital, relationship or any problems and i believe that he will help. His email is ancientremedy1@gmail.com
Hi, I especially like number 4. I will think of this post anytime I feel like speaking unkindly about hubby to friends or worse, family. Thank you.
This only applies if your spouse is a Christian. I met my husband at my church. Come to find out we grew up in the same town, went to same school. I did not realize he had so many issues. He to me, mis-represented himself. 18 yrs passed. I raised his two children ( from his previous marriage). Took care of is aging parents. Took care of him. Now that im approaching sixty, he has no time for me. But, wants me to pay all the bills and keep insurance on him. While he works very little. I am losing my home due to his lack of work. He hang out is the bars. He plays music. He is not the man i married! So i am leaving him and divorcing him. Im too old for games. I love the lord, i know he will help me. He also has a drug habit. He has broken our covenant. Dont judge me. What time im here on earth, i want some peace and happiness. I will.not marry again.
Wonderful post! I find myself often struggling in a society where women are told we are weak if we try to embody the picture of marriage God made for us. I am a high school teacher, and I often find myself reminding my students that they are individuals made with skills specific to them. I quote Einstein a lot reminding them that if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing it is stupid. The same is true for our roles within marriage. If you spend your marriage trying to be the husband when you are designed to be a wife, you marriage will crumble from the stress of trying to fill a position you weren't made for. We should see it as a gift that the burden of leadership has been put on our husbands. We have been given burdens enough with our own roles as wives and mothers. Why do we insist on taking on his burdens as well to prove ourselves? Who are we proving ourselves to?
I am so disgusted by the amount of people who have posted here claiming you know nothing of what the Bible says of marriage. While the Bible absolutely contains men with concubines, that does not mean God condones it. The Bible is FULL of stories mean to show us how NOT to do things. How to learn from our past. It is also FULL of directions on how to do it correctly. To randomly pull examples from the Bible of marriages and claim that because it is in there God must be saying it is right is ridiculous.
Additionally, I love your post. I think we live in a world where we are taught that to be submissive is to be "weak" or "pathetic". That is ridiculous. Einstein once said that "if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will spend it's whole life believing it is stupid". This quote is about intelligence and uniqueness, but it can also apply to marriage. If you spend your whole marriage trying to be the husband, you marriage will crumble under the exhaustion of trying to be something you weren't designed to be. Why are we so envious? Why are we so unhappy being what we were made to me? God has given us burdens of our own as wives and mothers, why do we insist we are "strong enough" or "better equipped" to be the leader of the home as well. I know men often fail at their jobs as husbands, but just as often women fail at their jobs as wives and we are too proud to admit it.
This post is a WONDERFUL reminder of what GOD TELLS US will create a successful marriage. This is a roadmap for a wife, but God also gives a road map to husbands. They should love us as Christ loves the church. Unconditionally supporting us, caring for us, and helping us. If we each keeps our eyes on God instead of on ourselves, our children, or each other, we WILL have a successful marriage. U
ltimately our marriage isn't really about pleasing our husband or ourselves, it is about pleasing God. It is designed to give us strength to overcome the evil the devil will throw at us. To give us a partner in serving Christ.
Too many of you are reading this with a defensive and angry heart. Hearing the connotation our culture has for the word "submit" and immediately thinking it means to obey without thinking. Drop your pride, selfishness, and anger for two minutes and think. The Lord wants us to RESPECT our husbands. Why? Because he deserves it. Before you jump on me saying he doesn't deserve it....answer me this....why would you marry someone who didn't deserve your respect? Why would you marry someone you don't trust to lead you when life has you too beaten down to go on by yourself? Maybe the problem isn't with the advice, but with you and your choice. I am a high school teacher and at the beginning of each year I give out a syllabus with one rule... respect....under that rule falls all else. Under the umbrella of respect comes, not bad mouthing him to our friends, not degrading him when he fails to be perfect, not trying to be the leader which is turn sends the message: I don't trust you to lead, I don't think you are capable of leading, and therefore I must do it for you, etc. How would you feel is someone came behind you at home or at work and redid or micromanaged everything you did. You would feel hurt, useless, angry, etc. That is the same feeling you cause your husband when you refuse to allow him to be the leader in your home. He is HARD WIRED to want to provide and protect. Is it such a bad thing to allow him to do it?
The bible then instructs our husband to LOVE us. It is difficult for us as wives to respect a man who doesn't show us love and compassion, who doesn't help us when we are overwhelmed, comfort us when we are down, take care of us when we are sick or hurt. God knows this. So he commands our husbands to love us. As women we tend to get angry at the idea of submitting to our husband's leadership thinking we have all the "unfair" jobs, and that God is somehow sexist. But think for a minute what the umbrella of love entails. He must forgive us even when we don't deserve it. He must show compassion to us even when we are being irrational. He must take care of us emotionally, physically, and for someone women even financially in order for us to "feel loved" at times. Again this is a point of contention for many women who believe they don't need a man to take care of them, and they are right. They don't NEED a man to take care of them. But I will tell you after a long day of work, and then taking care of my daughter, and knowing the small paycheck I have at the end of the day and how very little it could cover in terms of daily expenses I do not for one second envy women who don't have a husband to help carry the burden of life. On most days, if not all, I thank God that I am not in this alone and that I'm not the only one responsible for taking care of my family. That I have God to care for me, and that he has appointed my husband to lead us. If I had to do it alone, I would survive because I can do all things with the Lord helps, but my husband IS HELP FROM THE LORD, and I am grateful for that blessing.
And finally in order for my husband to truly love me, he has to respect me. Now I can show respect to someone I do not love, but it is much harder for me to love someone I do not respect. God knows this. God isn't a caveman encouraging men to use and abuse us. He is a father trying to tell us the recipe for a happy life: Love and Respect, and we too often are the proud and selfish child ignoring him thinking we can do better, or we are wiser. Often, we treat God and his word as the foolish old grandfather who doesn't understand what life is REALLY like today. How foolish are we?
For a young wife, I really enjoyed this post! It really made me think about a lot of the stuff I take for granite my husband does. Fantastic Job! This will help my marriage ALOT I think! Thank you!
This week is our 2nd year Anniversary. We have been together 10+ years and are best of friends. I went through a bible study, "Excellent Wife" and learned some valuable information to make our Marriage strong. Your words are so kind and true, Thank you for sharing. With this information is helps when we are in a tough talk, it doesn't result in a yelling match with hurtful words. We are armed with a respectful voice and understanding. Cant wait to hear more from you soon.
Honestly, not a mind reader is a true description of many people in general, she is not speaking bad of him. Managing the household is not staying home as a slave...it is keeping things in order. Private conversations should also be positive, not criticize, we should never criticize.
in closing, Yes we live in the 21st Century but the bible is for all centuries.
It is more classy to just not agree and move on, then to say harsh words.
Did you know that our bodies are equipped to run over 19 miles a day? Some women can see one million more colors than men, and we even live longer. God has created us with such impeccable design, I highly doubt our bodies were built specifically to live inside of a house and keep things tidy.
I watched this same dynamic happen in my parent's relationship. In fact, my mother ended up venting A LOT to me about it. So I've seen how much it can damage a relationship, and damage a child's relationship with the father seeing this issue in a marriage.
But I do want to say this: you are his helpmate. Which means when he is not doing something godly (using money wisely) it's time to confront. That's why we live in a community of believers. None of us are stand-alones in this world. Sin should never be allowed to continue uninhibited. That doesn't mean someone changes overnight, but the desire to change as well as actions to change should be there.
You were provided to help your husband make good decisions. My worship pastor always says that he listens closely to his wife's advice because she is wise, and if she's not ok with a decision he's making, he goes back to the Bible and even seeks other counsel.
Please, Please, for the sake of your marriage and your kids... don't make the same mistake that my mother did. Get help in this area and don't be afraid to voice opposition when he is making an unwise decision - graciously, lovingly, PRIVATELY, and respectfully. And the whole issue with you "not pulling your weight" is not Biblical either, just as a heads-up. It is your husband's job to provide for his family. The Bible says that a man who does not provide for his family is "worse then an unbeliever". But God is gracious. Even after seeing everything in my parent's relationship, I still firmly believe my father is a Christian and loves the Lord. He still has sin issues, as does my mother, as do I (oh, boy do I have them!). Forgiveness is vital.
LOVE that you pray for him! (and I'm totally not judging you! It's far more difficult to DO the right thing then it is to KNOW the right thing.... hopefully when I get married, someone will reread this to me :)
Your comment is exactly why I hate that the church uses the word SUBMIT. It was translated forever ago when Submit did not mean what it means now, and it simply confuses people as to what we're actually talking about. This is not about being a floormat to a man. This is about allowing him to lead. Just like when you go on a tour overseas, and someone leads the group, you follow. Sometimes that person knows more then you, sometimes they may not. It has NOTHING to do with your self worth or your ability to make decisions or being a whole person! It is simply a role - leader and follower. If we all lead, there will be no followers; if we all follow, there will be no leaders.
As a single woman, I am highly annoyed when men who don't have the guts to stand up and lead. Why am I the one leading??? Where are the men of God??? I wish there were more bold men of God ready to stand for what was right and lead in prayerful obedience to God. A wise man will always listen to his wife, and a wise woman will always trust God first.
#4 deals with other people - don't talk to other people about your marriage. #7 is actually the pair for that - talk to him about the marriage, not others.
Actually, the Biblical "perfect woman" owned her own international business... check out Proverbs 31. In fact, Christianity was the first "religion" to put women on the same level as man. Take for example the passage "there is therefore no jew or greek, male or female, but all are equal in Christ" (paraphrasing from memory).
In Christianity, a woman was chosen to bring God into the earth as a man; Jesus always respected and looked out for his mother; women were the first to find the empty tomb. Even when God created Adam and Eve, he made Adam go through all the animals he created and name them all JUST to show him that none of them are equal to him... and then He made Eve. Adam obviously got the point - he said "bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh" - as in, value a woman like you value your own flesh.
The idea that the Bible or God doesn't value woman is never seen in the Bible. However, examples of how men did not value women ABOUND in the Bible - which should show you one thing: we are flawed creatures in need of a savior. Flawed creatures who constantly hurt each other - even the ones we say we love.
I agree and disagree. I agree that 3yrs is a little young to be giving marriage counsel, but I do think the advice is good and useful. When you said "If the husband has an affair or abandons the wife, doesn't she deserve to have a happy marriage?" It does say in the bible that if the husband cheats or leaves then divorce is acceptable. I believe Jesus said that himself but I could be mistaken. I think both Danielle and Rachel have valid points, I appreciate this article as well as Rachel's input.
-Jenna
I love this. I am constantly fighting not to be submissive because to me it meant someone else would be in control of me, but i love how clear you make it that marriage is 100/100 everyone just has their own roles. I am getting married next october and im so glad i came across the blog i truly believe reading this has made a difference in my life
THIS POST SETS WOMEN BACK BY ATLEAST 50 YEARS
So God whispered to the pastor and said "Go take amy and josiah for a counseling run let me know when you're finished k? Also, be a submissive wallflower and never forget that the world should revolve around men. Be as fake and compliant as you can possibly be, and waste your life smiling through things that you hate doing like watching basketball." Since when does God directly speak into peoples' ears? Psst, he doesn't. Live your own life and stop pretending that there's someone dictating your life with a magic wand.
I love this so much! Everyone keeps telling me that being a wife becomes natural but I really belie it takes work. Especially being a Godly wife! This is everything I needed to hear!
I agree with that statement as wife's/fiancés we could learn from the bible and the teachings. I was married for eight years before he went on and divorced me with three small kids. I admit though I married
young and I didn't have a clue on what I was doing. We didn't go to church so our marriage was done anyway. Now that I am engaged again and will be married next year.
God and church will play a big part of our life together he was also married to with kids. So since we are older and a little wiser we may have a great marriage.
I got married 2 weeks and 2 days ago. I prayed very specifically for my husband, Adam, and then met him shortly after. I continue to pray and thank God for blessing me with everything that I had prayed for. Thank you for this post, I will continue to pray for Adam, and us, as I live out these bullet points. I thank God i'm a christian, and can build my marriage on a solid foundation, I don't know what i'd do without him (God)!
Thanks Again!
This has a lot of similar concepts as the book "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. I really enjoyed this post. I got married at 17 and we have been married 2 years now with a year and a half year old little boy.
You made a lot of great points that I personally feel should be obvious to wives, but like you said, women are very selfish and we feel like we are the exception to the rule.
Thank you for this post, I pray that many women of all ages read this and will renew the hope in their marriage.
About the contradiction,
I think what she means is, of course it is okay to tell your husband if there is something wrong, but do it kindly and lovingly; never meanly.
Also, I agree with your second point. And on top of what you said, it is close to impossible to live on one income anymore when you have kids, rent/mortgage, bills, groceries, etc.
Hi My name is Bruno Rico' just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage... I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time... it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce... I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn't want to loose her but everything just didn't work out... she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce... I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out... I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice... He did special prayers and used roots and herbs... Within 7 days she called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma she had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child. I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news... Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need's it... You can email him via dr.akhidenorlovespell@yahOO.com Don't give up just yet, the different between 'Ordinary' & 'Extra-Ordinary' is the 'Extra' so make extra effort to save your marriage/relationship if it's truly worth it. you can also call (Dr Akhidenor) on +2348161850195.
I agree with you:-)
I can honestly say that she is perfectly qualified to speak to others. I've been with my husband for 5 years now, but we dated for 5 years prior to that. Our "honeymoon stage" ended at about a year, as it does for most others. My husband is my best friend and has been for over 10 years now. He and have had many struggles in our 10 years together, but even as an 18 year old girl, many older, even married women, were asking US of advise because of how strong our relationship was between us, and God. My parents have now been married 40 years, and they RARELY ever fight. They have the strongest relationship I've ever witnessed and if you ask them, the beginning is always the hardest. Basically my point it, just being you're young does not mean you don't know struggle. The hardest part of my relationship thus far, was within the first 3 years.
God Bless You
Great post! I was wondering if you did post your husbands response? If so how can I find it?
You are the embarrassment to our country and to all human beings.
The only thing missing in this article is this: Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved His church.....that comes first in the Word for a very clear reason. I think it is quite fitting to add what your husband's covenant to you is :) Grace and peace to you!
I really liked this post! :) Thanks for sharing! My Husband and I look at Marriage as a 100/0 ratio, where we are both striving everyday to give each other 100% and expecting 0% in return.We think it works better this way cuz we are all human so life happens sometimes and so we pick up the slack for one another when the other needs help. We kinda see it like a serving competition, always trying to out-serve each other. We love it and enjoy married life lots!!! Thanks for the tips :)
God will bless you and and your husband continually and exponentially.
I pray that this post goes viral, and may God in his infinite ways let this message into the hearts of girls out there who really need to hear it.
You are a wise and blessed mother, and I hope to live such a life and inspire others around me to do such.
I am getting married next year and this post is making so excited, I can't wait to fulfil my purpose in my darling husband's life, and his in mine.
Thank you, I agree completely.
Danielle,
First and foremost, thank you for this post! I stumbled upon it today and feel so blessed that I did! I'm 28 and a newlywed. Your post wasn't your opinion, it was biblical truth and some people just do not want to accept the truth. I'm sorry for all of the negative comments, but just know that you have truly touched the lives of many women and and because of you, many women have heard the word of God. Believer or not, that is amazing! I look forward to your future posts, especially aboit marriage!!
Diane
Great response!
How is this stupid advice? What marriage do you know where the wife ACTUALLY does all this is horrible and abusive????? That comment makes no sense. If abuse is involved seek help because that SHOULD NOT CONTINUE. I know of it first hand and the more we work on putting God first, the less we fight and bicker. This is great advice - it comes from a very humble place as she is saying it to herself and not passing judgment onto others. I don't see anything here that would lead to harm in a marriage.
It's true that marriage is SO much harder with kids. I have two and one from a previous relationship. Talk about difficult to put your husband before your kids. But that doesn't mean you abandon your kids for your husband or disregard them in some way. As much as I struggle with almost everything she wrote, I think that it would greatly help my marriage if I could actually follow it.
I came across this by accident.(or so I thought) its amazing the affect this had on me. My elders and loved ones have been trying to tell me the same thing. I don't know why I didn't get it before but sure glad I do know. I guess it was my selfishness and pride. This hit me deep in my heart. I read it last night before I went to bed and woke this morning reading it and just sobbing in the process. I now have no excuse. When you know something, there's no excuse to back up on it. I realize that I have let my lord down. And that means I've let my husband,children,family,and my church down to.I'm going to strive so much harder to be what would be satisfyingto the lord thank yuou so much for the heart felt advice.you are very inspiriting. Its wonderful knowing that there are people in this generation standing on the ways of god.
Great post! I have read this many times before and I always find myself coming back to read this for a little reminder.
I agree with Rachel as well. I'm on year 10 and literally the last 7 years I've been patiently waiting for my husband to grow up...while his family (our 2 kids and I) suffer with his bad choices. I can't just sit at home waiting for him to make right choices while Im taking care of my "wifely duties", money is needed. My kids nyes to be taken care of. I need a place to live. And he has helped us become homeless. So as far as us wives just sitting back and relying on our men to make the right choices for the family...isn't always the best choice. I'm sure a lot of you have wonderful men you trust and who take care of you...but to place this false idea that this is the way to be a wife is just not always true. Sometimes us women have to man up and become fathers to our children and be the spiritual backbone in the family and be a mother and wife as well...
Thank you for this! It was really good. I am only dating but I believe that there are things I can do now in the dating that will help me be a better wife.
Great Advice. Thank YouFor Writing ThIs.
Wow. Let the unsolicited advice flow! I just wanted to be a single voice to say to the original poster here - I'm sorry for what you've been through. The life you describe must be painful and lonesome. I have no reason to believe it is because of something you've done or something you've failed to do, as the other replies seem to imply. Even if there is some step to take or work to do, we can't move forward without taking time to grieve over unfulfilled hopes, and losses. I grieve with you.
"Be content with what you have. It’s all about your attitude and perspective…think about what you are choosing to focus on. If you are constantly telling him things he is doing wrong and things you wish he’d change or do differently, you are tearing him down. It may help to write out all the things you love about your husband. If you don’t have a very long list, maybe you should blame that on the person in the mirror. After all, you’re the one who married him, right?"
That should be on a billboard.
I truly appreciated the advise and wisdom given by Danielle. Some people are more mature at her young age than others will ever be. Unfortunately, I was divorced in 1978. I would not recommend it for anyone. I did not understand the true meaning of Christian submission. . . I was a doormat. My husband liked to frequent bars and was a womanizer and did not appreciate my Christian stance on some things, although it was my newfound faith that made me a better wife and gave me a more complete love for him. Eventually, though, his verbal ridicule and infidelity eventually accumulated in my heart and became poison inside of me. I had not learned to express my feelings--was not allowed to. The stuffed feelings had become resentment. Even so, the words of this young lady are still true. I don't disagree with anything she has said. Thankfully, my children are following the Lord inspite of the painful history of our family.
For those who known or think marriage will someday be their vocation from God and need help in the dating process, listen to, Lust or Love from Jason and Crystalina Evert! They give beautiful advice to all people, but really helps the younger struggling generation on how to look and find love the right way. Their CD Lust or Love changed me for the better. Goes along with the values from this!
This is wonderful! Sharing with my Bible Group :) Thank you for all of the reminders that are so easily forgotten.
Praise God for you :)
Manda from Eat Cake
I will make sure to read this post and pin it again. Amazing...seriously. God intended for me to read this post and it has brought some peace to my current dilemma.
Thank you so much. Such great knowledge for both me and my fiance. Really wanted to start premarital counseling and this is a really great start as well.
Hey there! Just stopping by to let you know that I nominated you for the Sunshine Award because I love reading your posts :) http://www.ohhallelujah.com/1/post/2013/11/sunshine-award.html
Oh Wow. Great read. I think more women need to read this married or not.
I couldn't find what your husband said about being a a godly Husband.
I am very interested on reading it.
I am still single and having some big conversations with God about it. It could help me.
Thanks for sharing God's work in your life with everyone.
Fidel.
This is such a sweet, hope-giving post. I also read all of the comments. I can appreciate diversity. ;-) I think it's unfortunate when there is a mind-set of "being Christian means everything turns out well"....that is so very far from the truth. There are so many different situations in marriages. I have been married 19 years to my high school sweet heart. We've got two teenagers, and we also have two babies who didn't live. I can't begin to explain what kind of tragedies we've had to face. But, I realize there are those who've had it much, much more difficult than we have. Heart wrenching events did not turn me away from God. We have a wonderful marriage, it's better now than I could have dreamed. But we've had some extremely things to face in our life and that's why I am thankful I am married to a Godly man. This is our life, and I'm very happy with it..... Salvation through mercy and grace has been my direction in my life's decisions. Not because of my church, spouse, parents, friends, pastor, etc., but because I have a relationship with God. I'm grateful we live in a country where we have the freedom to choose. Acknowledging (if you can't have respect) that everyone has freedom to believe and do what they want and then being accountable for yourself is a wise choice. Someone who continually tries to down something you do or believe (or force what they do or believe) on you must not be too comfortable with their own choices. It goes without saying that experience brings a different view of life, but we were all young at one time. This young author is given a thumbs up from me. :-)
Hi Anonymous,
I couldn't help but come across your post, I am sorry you are in so much pain. I am wondering if you have spoken with your husband regarding the issues you are facing? Have you thought about counseling? You could try individual counseling to explore your own feelings more and marriage counseling to work things out with your husband. I know it seems impossible that your feelings could change again, but you fell in love with your husband at some point and it could come back. But I also feel like if you have given it a try and it doesn't work out that is okay, too. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
thanks for sharing! i am a newlywed, but my hubby and i have been together for close to 5 years! I am always telling him that i am so thankful i fell in love with such a hardworking man...but ik im not perfect and have things i need to work on, especially submission. ;) Thanks for sharing!
I will say that although in a perfect world all of the points are wonderful...but i will also say that it does put a lot of pressure on someone to stay and work on a relationship that is extremely unhealthy. i met my husband when i was 18. at that point we both had faith in the Lord. after awhile though my husband started spending more and more time with people who did not believe in our lord, and has since stopped believing himself. he became very physically abusive and controlling. he also cheated constantly....pretty much on a weekly basis and had great pleasure in telling me details of his affairs in order to break me down even more. i don't think i have ever prayed harder in my life...for God to give me strength, patience, guidance, courage.....i prayed for him to open my husbands heart and lead him back to the path that He chose for him, I did praise him, i sacrificed, i submitted....and he seemed to spiral out of control. the breaking point was when he got angry and held a shot gun to my face in front of my 4 and 2 year old. i left....because i DON'T want my children growing up thinking that it is ok to act like that or accept that treatment from someone else. my point is....your post is wonderful, if you are an equal contributor. but i had a husband who wanted me to do everything you suggest woman to do to fulfill Gods glory (and i did that) and yet didn't offer his part in protecting or providing. there are certain situations that it is just not safe and it doesn't matter what a woman does, it just isn't going to work. i still love him, i still pray for him...i still want the best for him, but the fact that i left doesn't make me a quitter, or any less of a good wife.
I just love this! im wondering if your husband ever posted a blog on being a godly man?
Wow what a beautiful post from a Godly woman! I will be getting married in June and love to be reminded of how I need to be acting as a future wife. We have been dating almost 6 years now, and yes I know how our relationship is now, but it is always a reminder of how it will change and how I need to change. God blessed me today with this post. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this! I'm only 18, and I only just started dating my Godly best friend about a month ago, but this is amazing... Thank you! I'm going to remember this for a long time :) You're amazing!
Thank you for this article. I agree with it 100%. With that said, the devil is already coming against it. When I clicked on the link, pinterest informed me it had inappropriate content that was flagged by other users and asked if I wanted to proceed anyway. Since it was pinned by a good friend of mine, I proceeded and am glad I did.
So what is God going to do? Come down and spank him? He's not going to wise up if he is the decision maker. Like a child- if no one tells them no, they won't stop being selfish. If no one is to put him in his place for him to understand he should make sacrifices for his children and wife, then I would really be worried.
As a pastor, I find it a bit "judgemental" to call out someone with a different opinion than yours. If she wants to speak with someone with more experience in a marriage as an authority figure, then that's her right. She never said the list wouldn't work- only that it didn't speak of marital problems, tragedy and heartbreak. That is something, I myself would like to know how to get through, who gets divorced, when is enough, enough? Is cheating once forgivable but a relationship a different story? Is gambling away your savings something you pray for, or cut loose? My ultimate question for marriage is what is worth working on and how bad do you let it get before you realize you can't pray rock bottom addiction/lust/gluttony away?
Have a heart, pastor. It's your job.
I would like to say that I feel for this poster. It's clear that the commenters do not understand how difficult it is for certain people to actually help out. I grew up watching my father take advantage of my mother's every last resource, quote the bible (though he doesn't believe in God) only when it suits him, succumb to sloth, leaving absolutely everything to my mother. Ev.Er.Y.Thing. They both had jobs, but who did all of the things listed above the the poster's duties, and who do you think chose to spend time with other women vs my mother & kids, go to bars & stripclubs, and got out of doing housework by saying "sure, yeah," as false hope to put aside a fight instead of saying "nah you can do it".
I cannot believe the commenters actually think first, that this woman has never asked for help. If I had a penny for every time my mother asked my father to help with the household, pay bills, grocery shopping (even though he works at a grocery store), kids' homework, rides, etc. we would be a very wealthy family. And if that weren't enough, sleeping around the whole marriage doesn't help either.
It's completely unfair to assume that she hasn't tried it all. Praying for help doesn't work so what exactly should we be praying for him? Do we pray that he becomes a man of God and (might actually believe in him) and become a Godly husband? Let's not assume He answers every one of our prayers. It doesn't happen. And if someone says "try counseling"- it's been done too. But when you lie in counseling, your marriage can't exactly move forward. I liked the edifying word rule. My biggest thing with this whole debacle, is that he could have just left if he didn't want a family. But trash talking his wife for all that she sacrificed (and kids) to his friends and gfs, and to see it in writing; now that's something you can't get over.
I don't believe it's my mother's fault for marrying him. Times were different and people married very young (too young for this age). But she did choose the wrong man. He is a great liar too. But I've prayed and I'm happy that this covenant will finally be broken. Our family will actually be able to have peace. He can philander and squander money and My mother will actually be able to be appreciated. To find time for herself. To have hard earned money go to herself and important things instead of strippers and alcohol.
Don't pity me because I seem "pessimistic" as one poster put it, we are very happy now. I know this post might get attacked- but Danielle's 3 years have nothing on my parents' troubles as a married couple. Bumps in the honeymoon phase don't exactly pull out the D word.
I have to agree with devoted mother. My parents put us kids first and it made us the happiest children (now adults) and have a great close relationship in which we can talk about everything and be best friends. If my parents put each other first, I would wonder why they even had kids in the first place (I wonder that about my friends' parents a lot). I have lots of friends who wish they had close relationships with their parents. It's really not that uncommon! Now their parents can't kick them out faster because they haven't bonded as much with their kids and my friends now can't decipher their relationship with their parents. I was very lucky, privileged and loved. They told me when I came home from college to stay as long as I needed to until I could get off the ground, not kick me out so they could be alone again.
Danielle, while your rules were "helpful tools", we make our own fate. We make decisions that change the course of our life, not God. He gave us freewill. Those were OUR choices.
I also might add to take a look at Filipino families. The woman is the head of the household in most homes there and I think they do just fine.
Post a Comment